Q Hi Auntie, I am in high school and I am having moeilikheid with a girl who is best friends with another girl I became close with last year.
At first, she was very friendly, but now she seems to dislike me and disses me to our other friends.
I can't think of anything I did to cause her to be so mean. I am always polite to her, despite her stinky attitude towards me.
Since last year I sometimes get a ride to school with her and her mom, but she acts totally differently when we are in the car with her mother versus when we are alone.
She acts all sweet but literally the second we get out she ignores me and gives me bitchy looks.
I spoke to her mom about it and she admitted her daughter doesn’t like me but didn’t want to say anything more.
Her dad ditched them last year and moved to Joburg where he now has a new family.
This whole situation makes me uncomfortable, and every time she is mean to me I feel depressed and find it hard to focus.
What can I do? I know I should just get over it and write her off as a friend, but it is challenging. Please, I need Auntie’s help.
From Veronica
A Ag shame, hartjie. We can all totally understand how tough this situation must be for you.
Friendships are so important, and it really hurts when things go down the drain.
Now there may be a way to turn this naar situation around, but it’s going to take a bit of understanding and empathy on your part. Auntie thinks this is more than just a mean girl at your school.
While you feel like she is personally attacking you, it’s more likely that you are not the real reason for her swak behaviour.
It sounds like this could be more about her unhappiness with losing her daddy to another family than anything else.
You might be wondering what her father has to do with the way she is dissing you, but let Auntie give a possible explanation: it’s become about you because she sees you as a rival for her friend’s attention.
body.copy.three...: Just try and see things from her side. Last year she had a close friend, and now she must share her.
Something like this, combined with her daddy leaving them in the lurch, probably makes her feel rejected and unwanted.
She really needed to feel special in someone’s life – she had this friendship and it was where she felt valued.
And now, she doesn’t even have that anymore.
Now it’s become a competition for your friend’s affection and attention.
But if all three of you could instead support each other equally, you could turn this around.
You say that you already talked to her mom, but Auntie is guessing you focused on “why don’t you like me?”, and that definitely didn’t go well.
Instead, try telling her that you can see she is going through a tough time, and that you would like to help. Ask her if there is anything you can do.
You need to understand that her unhappiness and mean behaviour probably has real and justified roots, but it has nothing to do with you.
Try to help and support her and be a friend, rather than making it all about you.