Q Hi Auntie, a few years ago my husband cheated on me with some giemba and she popped out a laaitie.
We are still technically married, and he doesn’t want to get a divorce, but he does not live with me and our actual two kids.
He stays with that other woman.
Auntie kan seker imagine how shattered our family is, and my kids sometimes say things that tell me they still sukkel with the whole situation.
I know his loskind is not to blame for anything, and all children deserve a father, so we try to include him in our family as much as we can. This is mainly doing things together on holidays.
On the other hand, that joller vrou will never be accepted in my house.
The problem has now become that even while my husband and the laaitie come over like now for Easter, he is not really here.
He just sits there staring straight ahead, not saying anything, not saying anything to anyone.
The kids get along great and apart from my husband, these holidays are nice.
Oh, maar wat my die moer in maak is that when we try to engage with my husband or be nice to him or offer him anything, he snaps at us and criticises us.
Auntie, what can we do to make the next kuier less awkward and perhaps even get him to enjoy it? I don’t smaak to have a zombie ruining our holidays.
From Jenny-Lee
A You can mos just read some of the previous letters that Auntie has received throughout the years at the Daily Voice.
There’s everything from dronk uncles and skinnering aunties and disrespectful laaities, to slegte kos and family politics.
But this situation of yours is nogal really sad.
I mean, why does he even come to any of these events… unless it’s to make everyone glad when he leaves?
On the other hand, what Auntie really wants to know is why you are still married.
You are correct that all children deserve to have a father, or at least a loving parent.
Maar wat gaan hier aan – you mos don’t have to be married to this man who does not live with you.
He can still be part of your family, for the children’s sake. He is already living with his stukkie and his loskind, so it’s not like he is a husband to you anyway.
He abandoned all of you, but shows up every now and then to pretend to be a family.
Auntie suspects this is what is making him such a vrot snoek at these events. He knows he screwed up. He made his bed and now he has to lie in it.
Your marriage is over, but for some reason he doesn’t want to take that final step to maak klaar.
So it is going to be up to you to do it. Get a divorce.
Nothing else has to change, and you can still be part of each others’ lives. But it’s time to move on.