Q Hi Auntie Pearl, there are two people here at my work, let’s call them ‘Jonas’ and ‘Nandi’, who have been jolling since before Covid.
Now I don’t like to stiek my neus in ander mense se besigheid, but these two are now causing me grief because they are using me to cover their affair.
Like they would tell others that we are all going out to lunch together as a team but then I ate alone. I even once heard them going at it in the company bathroom.
Nandi’s husband also works here but he is in management.
I’m a bit new at the company, and I don’t know if I should say something.
Should I go to HR? Should I tune Jonas and Nandi?
Going to HR feels like it’s going to be a moerse storie, and confronting the cheaters feels like it’s going to screw my career.
Going to our boss is probably also out of the question, because he has made sideways comments to me that suggest he knows about the jolling and doesn’t care.
What the hell do I do?
From Trapped Thembika
A Listen Thembika, the bottom line here is that those two are making the workplace uncomfortable for you, and they are dragging you into their mess.
Sies man, having an affair is bad enough, but getting down and dirty at work and involving innocent colleagues is disgusting.
There is no reason why going to HR should be a problem. This is a moerse storie, but it is exactly the kind of thing that the department should sort out.
If you really want to fly under the radar, then you are going to have to tackle the jollers first.
But don’t tune them in person, send them an email.
Tell them you are not cool with the fact that they are using you as an alibi, and that they should stop using the office as a hook-up spot.
Make it clear that you want nothing to do with their personal affairs, and that includes going to HR.
If they don’t get your drift, then it’s time to take it upstairs. As hulle nie wil hoor nie moet hulle voel.
Don’t worry, you are innocent and so this should not impact your career at the company.
They are the ones at fault, and they will have to deal with the consequences.
Q Dear Pearl, I am in my early 30s and I am married with a baby on the way.
It’s a girl. My hubby and I are very excited.
Everything is good with us, but now a situation has developed in the family.
You see, Auntie, about 10 years ago I lost my best friend. We had been BFFs since we were in diapers!
But then one day some piece of rubbish ran a red light and hit my friend and killed her.
I was devastated. I have always remembered her, and have in the years following her death decided that if I ever have a baby, I will name her after my lost friend.
My hubby’s family has a tradition of naming boys after the grandfather, and I’m fine with that.
But since we are having a girl, I want to name her after my friend.
I have spoken to my husband about this and he understands and agrees.
Toe kom die problem. At a recent family braai, we let slip what we wanted to name our daughter, and then my mother-in-law started to rek her bek.
She’s never liked me, but we’ve managed to start getting along recently and be civil.
When she found out about the name we wanted to give our baby girl, she said things like I am “ridiculous” and that I should name children after family, not “some dead girl” I knew in high school.
I was so shocked. In fact, I sommer started to cry because she was so rude.
She backed off then and didn’t say anything about it for a while, but now I heard that she has gone to other family members and told them what happened and she’s making me out to be crazy and hung up on the past.
Even with my husband trying to shut them up, his family is always telling me I should give up on naming my baby after my lost friend. They all think it is weird.
I’m totally hormonal and when they say things like this to me I don’t know if I’m going to cry, scream, or punch them in the gevriet. Usually I just walk away. How do I handle this? From Rosa
A Meisie, congratulations on the baby. Auntie is happy to hear you are in a good marriage with a man who supports you, despite his family being moeilik.
What you have been doing is exactly the right thing… just walk away.
Don’t engage with them when they want to tell you what to do.
This baby is not theirs, it is between you and your hubby.
Personally, Auntie thinks it is great that you want to honour your friend like this.
And if your man is on your corner, even better.
So, how do you handle this? Auntie has a lekker solution.
Just tell them that you and your husband are going to name the baby together and that you have decided to keep it a secret until she is born.
No more negotiating, explaining, or otherwise going back and forth with them.
Tell them it will be a surprise, and if they want to butt in, just walk away again.
These people have to understand that you don’t care about their input and that they don’t have a say.
Of course, in the end you still name your laaitie after your friend, just like you and your husband discussed.
Auntie is sure they will love the baby when she’s born and call her whatever you tell them to.