Q Dear Auntie Pearl, I am in such a pickle and I’m really hoping you can give me some advice because everyone I’ve asked has been rather ‘whatever’ about this whole thing.
So here’s the story… last year I broke up with my boyfriend, just before Krismis time.
We were together for about 3 years. He cheated on me a few times and I was just, I can’t spend my festive with such a slapgat gemors cheater, and I told him to voetsek.
Now it’s been a couple of months, and I’ve finally feeling like I’ve gotten over the cheater, and I’ve decided to get out there again and try dating.
Shame, my one friend is super supportive about this and helps me a bit.
The only problem is, I'm terrible at flirting, Auntie.
My friends all skeem I’m milly but I told them, I don’t know how, and whatever they show me how to do, I just feel sletterig and cheesy.
I started dating my ex in high school, so now I think I lost my mojo of iets.
What do I do Auntie?
From Jesintha.
A Jinne poplap, Auntie is sorry to hear that your longtime stukkie turned out to be a joller.
Just remember, there are still good men out there.
It sounds like you gave him a few chances, you were there for him and you decided tot hier toe en nie verder nie, and Auntie wants to commend you for that.
Standing up for yourself, and deciding not to go into a new year in such a gemors of a relationship, it takes guts, so well done Jesintha!
It's great to hear that you're ready to move on and start dating again, meisie, but it's important that you acknowledge and learn from the pain and betrayal you’ve experienced.
This ex of yours sounds like a piece of work, and no matter what anyone says, it takes a lot of strength and resilience to overcome a situation like that.
If you feel hesitant or uncertain about getting back out there and flirting with new mense, it’s ok. There’s nothing wrong with it, or you.
You’ve been hurt, you are protecting yourself. Give yourself time, and ease into it.
It's completely normal to feel a little out of practice or uncertain when it comes to flirting, Jesintha, especially if you haven't had to do it in a while.
It's important to remember that you deserve to be treated with respect and kindness. Daai is number one!
Now meisie, Auntie was also never the biggest flirt in her younger days, but Auntie can tell you this - flirting can be a fun and playful way to show someone that you're interested in them, but it's important to make sure that your actions are respectful and consensual nuh.
Here are a few tips that Auntie hopes will help you feel more confident and comfortable when getting back in the game:
Start small: You don't have to dive right into it and go big or go home! Something as simple as making eye contact and smiling can be a great way to show someone you are interested and hopefully, from there start a conversation.
Check out the body language: Nonverbal cues like leaning in, physical contact (such as touching someone's arm or hand), and keeping eye contact can all be effective ways to flirt, and show someone you skeem they are kwaai.
Laugh a little: Being playful and making someone laugh can be a great way to break the ice and show them you are interested. Just make sure not to cross any lines or tell jokes that might be offensive nuh!
Be true to you! It's important to be yourself when you're flirting. Don't now go and try to be someone you're not, or try to use stupid pickup lines that you’ve seen on TikTok or a movie - it will feel forced and fake, and you might end up looking like a poephol.
Confidence is key: Confidence is attractive, and it'll make you feel more comfortable when flirting. Don't be afraid to be yourself Jesintha, let the true you and your personality shine through meisie. And remember, if the other person isn't interested, it's not the end of the world. There are plenty of other fish in the sea.
Be respectful: Pay attention to how the other person is responding to your flirting. If they're not interested or it looks like they are feeling uncomfortable, respect that and back off.
Remember, flirting is supposed to be fun and not too serious. And it’s totally ok if you make some mistakes along the way while you are getting back into the game.
Enjoy this, it’s your time to shine!
Q Dear Auntie Pearl, I am 16 years old and I have a boyfriend who is 19.
The problem is he does tik sometimes and he thinks I don’t know about it. But I do.
I broke up with him last week but he says he loves me a lot and we should be together.
What do you think I should do?
From Confused.
A Aai tog meisie, this sounds like a situation that can very quickly get out of hand.
You have to get away and stay away from this junkie. Hoe verder, hoe beter!
This ou sounds like deep, deep trouble and not the kind of problem a teenage girl, or any woman, should have in her life.
Tell this loser to voetsek, delete his number and ignore his calls, unfriend and unfollow him. Bottom line, get him out of your life completely!
If you want to help him, tell his mense about his drug use and ask them to get him help for his problem.
You are too young to deal with him and his drug problem, and things can easily get dangerous.
So rather ask some adults to step in, and to guide him. This is not something for you to fix meisie.