Q
Dear Auntie Pearl, I hope you can give me advice on how to sort out my ex.
We were married for over 10 years, and we have a seven-year-old daughter together.
We divorced because of many reasons, and I feel bad because I think he was actually depressed. But Auntie, this ou was a terrible husband and not much of a father.
I made more money than him so I paid all the bills.
He comes home and all he does is play on his phone. I read what you had to say to Deidre and her luigat husband, and I thought maybe you could help me as well.
My situation has gone further, as I said we are divorced.
Here comes the problem: he is not out of my life.
When we were separating, I confided in a friend… a male friend.
This guy is married, and we did not jol. But my ex accused me of cheating.
He now even comes around to where I go out with friends and he starts yelling that I am a dirty joller. It’s all lies.
After the divorce, I also worked hard to lose weight and now I am looking good.
My ex has a lot to say about this, and says I look gross now that I am skinny.
He continues to act in immature and irresponsible ways, creating embarrassment at work and social events.
Last time my friend stepped in (yes, that friend) and told my ex that he cannot talk to me in the abusive manner, and to respect my boundaries.
My ex backed down, but then I got like 20 text messages accusing me of being a whore.
I want this man out of my life, but I still have to manage his visits to my daughter.
From Sharon
A
Poor Sharon! This vuilgat ex of yours seems like a real piece of work.
Girl, you are going to have to handle this situation like an adult, because clearly your baby daddy is being immature. Don’t stoop to his level, and don’t be hardkoppig.
You can mos think that he is lashing out after his marriage fell apart.
You were making all the bucks, and now he sees you hanging out with another guy, looking all lekker and sexy.
It doesn’t matter that you are just friends, your ex is not rational and is just looking for something to blame for his own shortcomings.
Sharon, you sound like a strong woman, so it may be time to handle this situation without the help of your male friend.
Take a break from hanging out in public with this guy, just so it does not look like you are jolling.
It’s stupid, Auntie knows, maar mense is mos altyd lus om te judge.
Once your ex sees you have moved on and you are standing on your own, tune him straight that he needs to stop his childish behaviour.
Tell him he needs to realise things are over, and that he needs to get himself together and move on.
You have a child together, and need to set an example for your daughter.
If he is bothering you on your phone, just ignore it and delete the messages. And tell him that. Don’t take any more of his crap.
If he is becoming abusive in public, threaten him with the court and a restraining order.
Auntie is sure this coward will back down.
Also, it sounds to Auntie like he is still living with you. If that’s the case, the first thing you need to do is kick him out of your house.