Q Dear Auntie, please don’t judge me but I need your help because I have fallen for another woman.
I have been with my wife, “Sabrina”, for over 10 years, and we’ve been married for eight.
But two years ago I met a woman, who we’ll call “Kelly”, and that’s when things got deurmekaar.
It happened when we were working together. We got along great and soon became good friends.
We have so much in common, and we have the same sense of humour.
Auntie, voor ek my oë kon uitvee toe het ek feelings vir haar.
At first I thought it was just a crush, but next thing I knew I was falling in love.
What is weird is that I can’t remember having gevoelens like this for my wife, not even when we were just dating.
Auntie, I’m not a joller. I have not done anything wrong with Kelly, just so you know.
We don’t even flirt or send stoute messages to each other. In fact, I don’t even know if she feels the same about me.
But still she is binne-in my kop and I can’t stop thinking about her and wanting to be with her in all kinds of ways.
I even tried to spend as little time with her as possible, but the feelings won’t go away.
When I am anywhere with my wife, I think about what Kelly is doing and what she is wearing.
What am I supposed to do? I don’t want to hurt my wife but if I got these feelings for someone else, does it mean that I am with the wrong person?
Even if Kelly does not smaak me, it still seems like I am able to love someone else more than I love my wife.
From Should I Stay or Should I Go.
A You know, at first, Auntie thought this is a tough situation and would be difficult to answer, but after thinking about it a bit, I realised it’s really not.
The first thing you should know is that Kelly does not smaak you.
If after two years you are still not sure if she is into you or not, then she definitely is not.
I mean, you’ve even reduced the time spent together and you’re still unsure… ja, daar is jou antwoord! This is just a crush and an obsession, not love.
That said, Auntie can feel how much you think you are “in love like you’ve never been before”.
Who wants to be married to a man that feels like that about another woman? So part of me wanted to just tune you to get a divorce.
Then Auntie realised it’s probably best to just bring you back to reality: Kelly doesn’t love you, your wife probably does.
But even if Kelly did smaak you, you are in no state of mind to make a decision about your marriage.
You have a crush and it’s making you all milly. It’s something new and different, and it feels exciting to you. But it’s not real.
Auntie wonders if you would still be so crazy about Kelly if she was asking you to pay the bills, wash the dishes, clean the yard, look after the kids and all those things.
Probably not, nuh?
So if you still think it’s wrong to stay with your wife because you think you don’t love her enough, it’s because you are not mature and committed enough to give your marriage the attention it deserves.