Q What’s up, Auntie Pearl!
Look here, I met an outjie on a dating app a few months ago and things have been going very well.
After a couple of weeks we hooked up, and soon after that we told each other that we have feelings for each other.
He asked me to be in a relationship, and I was excited and said yes, obviously.
Everything is kwaai and it’s been going great… the only thing is that he is 19 years old and I am 26.
He told me he hasn’t really dated, just a little bit in high school, and none of that was serious.
So this is like his first real “adult” relationship.
We’ve talked about our age difference, but he says it’s no big deal because to him age is just a number.
But it’s still bothering me a bit. Am I taking advantage of him?
If a 26-year-old guy was bymekaar with a teenage girl, I’d be judging them.
Apart from the age thing, I’m super happy with him. Am I overthinking things?
From Benita.
A Listen, do you really think any 19-year-old guy who gets to be bymekaar with an older woman is going to say, “You know, you are right, our age difference is a problem”.
No way, girl!
Now Auntie’s not jumping straight to saying you are taking advantage of him, but you must know that the responsibility for this relationship lies with the older person.
You’re not overthinking this, because even though you are both adults and can do whatever you like, you are also telling Auntie that this is not just a hook-up and that things are getting serious.
You’re talking about a regte relationship.
So here’s what Auntie wants you to do...
Think about this: You’ve been 19 years old, and you’ve been 26 – were you the same person at both ages?
Do you think you would have known if you were being taken advantage of when you were 19?
Also, did you only start worrying about “taking advantage” of him after you hooked up? Or was it when he started talking about a relationship?
Answer these questions honestly, and you’ll know where you stand.
There’s one more “test”... have you told other people – especially adults – that you are in a relationship with a teenager, or have you kept him a secret?
Listen, you don’t sound like a bad person who is hurting the guy she’s seeing, perhaps it’s more that you are a nice woman who stumbled into a lekker relationship where there happened to be an age gap.
But Auntie can’t tell you what to do, so just think a bit about the questions above, and you’ll find the right answer.