Q Hi Auntie Pearl, I hope you are not going to laugh at my email, because this really is not funny at all.
I’m dating this guy and he is really great, but things are getting a bietjie weird.
In order to make some extra kroon, he has been working as a clown at children’s parties.
Now, I have no problem with this, and it’s kwaai that he is not lamming about all day like so many other guys, but it’s starting to affect his other behaviour.
He’s pulling clown gedagtes all the time, even in public.
He does funny dances, pretends like he is falling, and it’s even gone so far that he sometimes puts on his red nose that he now carries around and he honks it at people.
It’s totally getting on my nerves. And of course it’s totally not sexy.
How do I talk to him about this without messing up our relationship?
From Penny
A Ai tog Penny, you mos know Auntie will never laugh at peoples’ problems, even if it does involve clowns – the funny kind, not something creepy like in those horror movies.
Now, you might not believe it, but what is happening to your berk is actually quite common in places like Hollywood, and it’s called method acting.
That’s right, many actors have found that the characters they play in a movie, series or soapie, start affecting their “normal” lives.
One famous example is Heath Ledger, who played the Joker in the 2008 film The Dark Knight. He was so into the role that he isolated himself from friends and family to “fully understand” the crazy character.
It’s even said that his intense dedication to the role may have contributed to his untimely death by accidental overdose.
Auntie probeer nou nie sê daai Joker storie is hoe dit gaan uitwerk vir jou clown nie, it’s just to show the dedication and commitment that actors put into their craft, and the ways in which their art can sometimes consume them.
But back to your problem… how to handle your boyfriend and keep your relationship intact.
The best thing to do is, as you can guess, to have a real conversation about this.
Set aside some quality time for the two of you to talk. Make sure to choose a location that is quiet and comfortable, so that he can fully focus on what you have to say.
Start by expressing your feelings in a non-confrontational way. In other words, don’t tune him grief about acting swak in public and making fun of his behaviour.
Try saying something like, “I love spending time with you, but sometimes I find it difficult to have a normal conversation when you’re always in character. Is there anything we can do to strike a balance between your clowning and our relationship?”
Then listen to what he has to say and try to understand where he’s coming from. Maybe he has some connection to his clown persona, and it’s important to respect that.
Think of potential solutions together. Perhaps you could agree on certain times or locations where he can be in character, or come up with fun activities that don’t involve clowning.
Most importantly, communicate openly and honestly with each other. If you’re able to have a mature and respectful conversation, you’ll be able to work through this issue together and keep your relationship strong.