Q Dear Auntie Pearl, I’m 26 years old and grew up in a rather rough part of the Cape Flats, but I’d rather not say exactly where.
Anyways, I studied really hard and managed to get a scholarship to a very good university.
The thing is my family didn’t understand why I wanted to leave them and there were loads of fights before I left, and my mom basically told me if I left her to go study she would never talk to me again.
She said I think I am better than them.
These days I feel so guilty that I haven’t spoken to my mum or siblings in almost two years, and I think I will regret it if something happened to them. How do I go back now?
A Angelface, this is a sad situation for everyone involved.
It sounds like you had a hectic childhood and that you have travelled quite some distance, literally as well as emotionally, from those dark and difficult days of your youth.
Auntie is also really sorry that your mammie and family didn’t understand the greatness of your achievement.
Well done on wanting to better yourself, and dodging the pitfalls of gangs, drugs and crime that so many of our beautiful Cape Flats youth fall into, and for achieving so much.
That being said, you should not let it go to your head, forget about your roots and feel like you are better than anyone.
I think it’s time you go back home and talk to your family, especially your mammie.
Her anger and emotions could have cooled over time, and she may be missing you as much as you miss your family.
So be the proverbial bigger person, and go make amends with your family before something happens.
As the saying goes, “The first to apologise is the bravest. The first to forgive is the strongest, and the first to forget is the happiest.”
Be humble and ask your mom for forgiveness.
Explain to her why it was so important to you to get an education and that you want a better life for everyone in your family, not just yourself.
If it is too difficult for you see her face to face, write her a letter, and send it along with a box of chocolates and a bunch of flowers.
Depending on how bad things were between you when you left, she might need some time to come to the party, but you won’t know until you take that first step.
All the best, gesiggie.
Take the first step and say sorry