Q: What’s up Auntie, it’s Jerome here with a problem that I hope you can maak wys about because I don’t know where else to turn.
Next month my wife and I are going to go visit her parents up country.
The gemors is that things are not ayoba on the home front. We have been getting into moerse fights.
Even though we have been married for over eight years and have a child together, the truth is that I feel we have been drifting apart. Ons connect nie meer lekker nie.
Sometimes when my wife is angry with me she sommer goois to go stay with her sister for a few days, leaving me with the laaitie.
It is a bietjie better after we have had some time off, but before you can say “skrik vir niks” then we are having a bekgeveg again.
In the middle of last year things reached boiling point when I found out she was hanging out with a younger guy.
I asked her if she was jolling. Auntie can think how that went. She threw a shoe at my head, vloeked me out and then went to her sister again for a week.
I’ve now just let that go, even though she never actually said she is not cheating.
We’ve managed to keep the fights on the DL, and never do it in front of our daughter or other people… but now this trip is coming up.
How the hell will we make it all the way there in the car without wanting to throw the other one out the door? And how are we going to keep the peace in front of her family. They are also not the easiest mense.
A: Listen Jerome, while Auntie really wants to comfort you and tell you everything is going to be okay, the truth is that your marriage sounds like a dropped ice cream on a hot summer's day at Muizenberg.
You’re standing around holding an empty cone, and all the lekker goed is melting in the dirt.
Look, Auntie is not saying there is no rescuing your marriage, but from the sounds of it things might be over.
You are going to have to look deep in your heart and decide whether you are prepared to stick with your wife, really work together on your relationship and try to save the marriage, or whether it’s time to accept the truth and call it quits.
But this is something for the future, en ons kan dalk ‘n ander keer daaroor chat. For now, Auntie realises that you need help with this upcoming trip.
Is there any way you could give it a skip? Maybe you can make up an excuse about why you cannot join them. Would it be possible for your sister-in-law to go in your place?
It might be tough, but this is something you might even decide on together with your wife. Auntie is sure she is also not in the mood to go on a trip that’s so stressful.
Your only other option is to suck it up and do your absolute best to keep your emotions under control.
Even if your wife doesn’t want to play along, you will need to act like a proper grown-up and keep it together for a few days.
Remember, other people cannot control how you feel inside. This is something that only you can do. So while you cannot control what your wife says or does, you can control how you respond to it.
Stay calm, no matter how difficult it is. Because Jerome, if there’s one thing Auntie can guarantee you, it’s that this is not going to be easy.
If you think you won’t be able to keep your mouth shut, rather cancel the whole trip.
Q: Hi Auntie Pearl, there’s something weird going on with me. The middle of last year a new guy moved into the house next door.
To be honest, he’s not bad on the eyes, if you know what I mean.
The thing is that our houses are close together, Auntie knows how it is, and one day I was in my room getting dressed and I saw him looking over.
Ek was geskok… but the next day after I got out of the shower I found myself not even closing the curtains. I was like taking my time getting dressed, standing around in my underwear.
Auntie, I felt stout and was hoping he was looking again, although I didn’t dare look to see if he was there.
I couldn’t stop myself from wanting to give the guy a show. And it wasn’t long before I saw him looking at me.
Auntie, it’s now gone even further and I’m not just [in my] hey-look-at-me in my underwear, I sometimes go fully naked in front of the window.
Of course, I pretend that I don’t see him looking, but we both know what’s going on.
I’m not this kind of woman at all! I’m pretty shy in public, but this covert flirting has got me jas all over!
What do you think Auntie, must I make a real move on this guy? Why has he not done anything?
A: Sjoe meisie, you are getting more than your neighbour opgewerk with your flirty moves, the temperature across the whole Cape Flats is rising!
First, let Auntie tell you there is nothing wrong with exploring your sexuality, because that’s exactly what you are doing if this little show is giving you feels.
But to be honest, Auntie thinks you should pump the brakes on the window peep show. It's all fun and games, but let’s just be careful.
This neighbour… maybe he is a nice guy just enjoying the free show, but maybe he is a creep. Who knows?
But you need to find out before you keep wysing your lyf.
So if you're keen to make a move, why not just take a stroll over there and strike up a conversation? No need for subtle hints through the window.
Maybe he's shy too. Don’t play games, just talk straight. Once you two have established where things stand, you can give him whatever kind of show you like.
** Talk to pear: SMS “Pearl” and your message to 33258, or email [email protected].