Q
Dear Pearl, I think I am making the biggest mistake of my life. I proposed to my meisieabout two months ago, and she said yes.
What drives me mal is that now I can’t stop noticing the other lekker kinnes all around me.
Wherever I look – on the bus, on the train, at the park, even at work - all I see is warme lywe.
I just can’t stop my eye from wandering, and now I’m wondering if I am ready for the commitment of a marriage.
Also, since we got engaged we hardly even have sex anymore. It’s really weird.
My friends are all still single and are out there jolling it up in the clubs, while I’m stuck with my future in-laws talking about what date we must set for the big day.
I’m also pretty gatvol of talking about flowers.
Dis ’n bleddie blom, pick one and move on!
Is there something wrong with me?
From Benjamin.
A
Liewe land, Ben, on the surface it sounds to Auntie like you are not nearly ready for spending the rest of your life with one girl.
But let’s not be hasty, a situation like a proposal and marriage can be complicated.
While some people are sure from the very start about committing to one person for the rest of their life, it’s not uncommon to have doubts.
Jy het seker al gehoor hulle praat van “koue voete kry”, especially just before a wedding.
Half of the rom-coms in Hollywood are about this!
So let’s dig a little deeper into your situation.
First, Auntie wants you to think back to when you asked your meisie to marry you.
What mindset were you in? Were you dronk? Was it just after a steamy session in the bedroom? Were you out for a romantic night?
Auntie is just trying to find out whether you really wanted to propose or if you were simply caught up in the moment.
If it’s the latter, then maybe you should reconsider this marriage.
On the other hand, you probably had a ring, right?
So you must have thought about this for some time before popping the big question.
If the proposal came out of a genuine love for this woman, then you need to get your kop reg.
It’s probably just nerves.
Also, jy verstaan mos that marriage is not based only on sex.
If your time between the sheets is the main reason you wanted to get hitched to this girl, then perhaps it is too soon to be thinking about marriage.
Let Auntie ask you another question: Do you think your joller pals are going to be worried about your one-night-stands when they walk down the aisle themselves?
No man, a person can’t go through life just hopping from one girl to the next.
Ben, it’s time to be an adult.
The big test to see if you are ready for this commitment is to talk to your fiancée about how you are feeling.
If you cannot do this, no matter how embarrassing or scared you are, then Auntie suggests you break things off before you start putting money down for the big day.