Q Dear Auntie Pearl, I met this boy at the end of last year at a job interview.
I didn’t get the job but I did get to meet this boy, or actually a man.
Now Auntie, I should probably say I am gay and I’m 19 years old. body.copy.bold: We exchanged numbers and he’s been saying he’s in love with me.
I was really into him but now I realise he really doesn’t make me happy.
My girl friends think it’s kwaai that I have this ‘older’ boyfriend but I think I want to dump him.
He’s got a good body and alles and dresses nicely, but there’s just something off about him.
I honestly can’t explain it but something is telling me no.
And it’s like I’m the only one who is seeing it.
Should I listen to my gut or continue seeing this man?
The problem though is Auntie I don’t know how to do it, how to leave him, and I’m scared he’s going to hurt me.
I’ve never really had a berk before. I’ve had a girlfriend before in school when I was trying to be straight.
He’s tried to hurt me before.
Sometimes he’s very rude to me when we’re alone. What should I do?
A My dearest Confused, Auntie feels for you and Auntie is here for you.
There are so many issues you touch on in your letter and so many things Auntie would like to spend hours on.
However, let’s get down to the core of this probbie – should you listen to your gut?
And Auntie says yes, always.
Sweetie pie, if something is telling you this is wrong, this man is dangerous or just not right for you, if you have a feeling deep in your heart that this is wrong for you, then you close the book and you leave him!
You don’t have to defend your decision to your girl friends, your family, or even to this man.
You are responsible for you, and if you feel something is off, then listen to yourself.
So many jongmense and even adults are too scared to leave their partners because they feel scared, intimidated or that they will be threatened with violence.
So many feel that something bad is going to happen but they stick around because they don’t want to stir, don’t want to rock the boat, or are worried about what others will say.
That’s not right.
It’s not a reason to stay in any relationship.
Jy moet besluit tot hier toe en nie verder nie!
If this guy is making you feel uneasy, unsafe, or unhappy then there’s mos groot [email protected].
So Confused, here’s what Auntie suggests you do:
Tell a trusted tjommie or family member that you are scared of this guy, that you want to break up with him but you skeem he will take it badly and react in a bad way.
If you are feeling like he might become abusive towards you – and it doesn’t matter what kind of abuse we are talking about here (physical, sexual, emotional, mentally, financially) then you should stop him, and say and do something.
There’s no point in hanging around this man if he’s not making you happy.
Even if he’s jits, even if he’s a muscle man with nice clothes, even if he tunes you he loves you, even if you’ve been seeing each other for a few months.
None of that matters if you feel unsafe.
The important thing is, don’t keep quiet. This is the one time in your life where you should NOT hou jou bek – rek it rather.
Know where you can get help, sweetie pie, here are a few places you can contact:
LifeLine has anonymous, confidential and accessible telephonic information, counselling and referrals in all 11 official languages. Phone 0800 150 150.
The Triangle Project in Observatory has a wide range of services for the LGBTQI+ community like counselling, support groups and more. Phone them on 021 422 0255 or email [email protected]
And Confused, another option is to tell him to come to your house when your family or friends are there – that way, as hy iets try doen aan jou, there’s someone to help you.
Meeting him in a public place like a coffee shop or mall to break up with him might also be a good idea for the same reason.
All the best sweetie pie