Q Hi Auntie Pearl, I’m a guy in my mid-50s who is married to a woman in her late 40s. She is my second wife.
Since about a year ago things are not so hot and spicy anymore, if Auntie knows what I mean.
We used to be all over each other, maar nou is dinge yskoud.
I’m still pretty jas a lot of the time but I don’t want to cheat, so what I’ve done is turn to fantasising. At first I was just thinking about scenarios involving my wife in wild sexual experiences, but things soon went to the next level.
I’m pretty good on the computer, so I started editing pictures of her into these fantasies.
Of course I never shared these pics, and I just had them for when I wanted to “take care of myself”.
However, my wife discovered these images and is now very kwaad.
Auntie, is what I am doing really so bad?
I am not a joller and would never leave my wife. This is just a way for me to fulfil my sexual desires. Should I give up this secret hobby?
From Piet
A Sjoe Piet, we really did not see this one coming. But let’s see if there is some wysheid that Auntie can share about your situation, so we can get real about your fantasy maniere.
Let’s start with whether you should stop your “hobby”.
The answer here is easy: Yes!
If your wife is uncomfortable with having you create pictures of her doing wie-weet-wat met wie ookal en whatever positions, then just stop it! Delete daai dirty pics right now!
The only way you can even think about going on with your erotic editing, is if perhaps your wife is also into it and you two start creating fantasy pics together.
Whether what you are doing is really so bad, the answer is also easy: Yes!
While there is nothing wrong with getting your jollies on through fantasy and vuil photos, it’s a whole different situation when you are Photoshopping naughty images of your own wife without her knowledge.
Like we said: If she knew about it and was also into it, things would have been different. Maar wat jy doen is off limits!
Your stoute screentime is also not your biggest problem here; the fact that the spark has gone out in your marriage is the real problem. You need to figure out what is really going on in your relationship.
You say you have no intention of jolling or leaving your wife, but it’s important to think about how you plan to address the issue of sexual incompatibility in your marriage. This can have a significant impact on intimacy and can cause problems if not addressed. Are you prepared to deal with the mismatch in your sexual desires moving forward?
Just remember that your poor wife is probably still dik bedonnerd and in shock after discovering your fantasy images.
Give her some space and time to process things, and acknowledge your mistake and apologise for any hurt you may have caused her. Make sure to tell her you have deleted all the pictures.
And then comes the difficult part: Asking her to have a conversation about your sex life.
It’s important to remember that this is an opportunity to address the underlying issues in your sexual relationship and work towards improving it.