PROBLEMS: Vrou thinks marriage is over

Q Dear Auntie Pearl, after almost 20 years being married, I think our relationship is over.

It’s just that I think he doesn’t get me anymore, you know.

Other people understand me better, and I feel like I can be more myself with my friends than at home.

We have split up before, and I think if it wasn’t for our children, we would have left each other long ago.

I do not think my marriage can survive.

I have a friendship with a guy and we have developed deep feelings for each other.

We are not having an affair, but it just feels to me that if this can develop, then maybe my hubby was never really the right one for me to begin with.

Should I leave him?

From Miss B

A Kyk hier, vrou, Auntie is not going to tell you to stick around at all costs, but if you are looking for someone to tell you it’s fine to pack your bags and gooi ’n lange to your stukkie, you have come to the wrong auntie.

This situation sounds complicated, and you have not given Auntie enough information about your marriage or skelm relationship to be able to give you proper answers.

Auntie is not one to just tell people to break up just because the going gets tough.

You know by now that a relationship can be hard work!

However, if your husband was being abusive, Auntie would not think twice to tell you to get the hell out of there and take the laaities with you.

But if you two are just drifting apart, that’s something else.

Two decades is a long time, and people do change.

Perhaps you just need to put some effort into your marriage.

Focus on why you got bymekaar in the first place, think back on the happy times.

There must have been love in your past.

Going to see a marriage counsellor can also help, or even just having some joint talks with your pastor or imam.

What definitely won’t help is this other ou you have been getting so close to.

Vrou, jy soek net vir moeilikheid.

You are in a vulnerable emotional state, and don’t need more confusion.

Cool things off with this “friend”, see less of him and only in a public place if you really have to.

You are going to have to do some serious soul searching about your marriage.

Here’s a pearl of wisdom: sometimes what you have is a lot more precious than what you might think you have lost.