Q
Dear Auntie, I need your wysheid with this situation that I have with my daughter.
You see, I discovered that she is flirting with an older boy on her phone.
She is 15 and he is, I think, almost
Now she is bedonnerd because she says that I have violated her privacy and that I must mind my own business because it’s her life.
Die kind is mos versin! I am her mother and I want to protect her.
I am the one who bought her the phone.
How can I explain to her that I am just trying to look out for her?
From Cherry.
A
Eish, the problems that new technology brings into our lives, nuh.
Moetie vir Auntie verkeerd verstaan nie, I mos love ’n stukkie WhatsApp chatting myself.
But just because a new gadget or app makes life so much easier for us, does not mean there are not dangers as well.
You are correct – you are her mother, you bought her the phone, and at the end of the day you can and will do what you want.
Here’s the thing, Cherry, you mos know what teenage girls are like. You tell them one thing and they will go in the other direction.
Us older ladies might not have had cellphones and texting and social media in our younger days, but being a teen has not changed.
Unfortunately for our kids these days, if they are not careful, sorts of nasty things, thanks to social media.
You only have to read the Daily Voice to see men on Whatsapp Groups sharing naked pictures their girlfriends have sent them.
Now Auntie is not saying your daughter is sending kaalgat photos of herself to this jongetjie, but of course this is something that concerns you as a mother, him being an older boy and probably having more life experience than her.
The best thing Auntie suggests here is that you don’t skel with your daughter, but speak calmly to her and explain why you are worried about this flirtation.
You have to be the adult here, and you have to make sure you keep communication between you two clear and open.
You can always just take the phone away from her, but then what are you teaching your child?
That she is powerless and cannot take responsibility? That you are a bully?
No, Cherry, use this opportunity to forge trust between you and your daughter.
Because if you don’t help her understand, she is just going to hide more things from you in the future.
Explain to her how you found out about this flirtation, and why it worries you so much.
Teach your daughter how to protect herself from predatory men, what pitfalls to look out for, and why she must never send naked selfies to anyone.
Don’t ambush her and, Cherry, also realise she is a teen, she was just flirting with a boy.
Most girls do this!
Also speak to her about sex if you haven’t already.
Kids this age love to explore and it’s best they go into these situations with proper knowledge and not stuff they heard from other kids.
In the end, you have to trust that you raised your child right.
But you also have to understand that she will make some mistakes in her life, like we all did.
And she has to learn some of these lessons on her own.
You just make sure that you are there for her when she needs you.
As long as there is trust and friendship between you two, things will be okay.