Q Hi Auntie, I email you today because my hart is stukkend.
I just can’t believe what my hubby recently said, and I think I need your pearls of wisdom or my marriage might be verdala.
Here’s what went down: We were lamming in front of the TV, drinking some beers and chatting. I think he had a couple too many, because at one point he said “the love of my life is married to someone else”.
We have been together for eight years, and married for four of them. He was married to another girl before me, for a couple of years.
Auntie, how can I live with what he said? I feel like I’m second prize, like left-over dite… I feel like he just settled for me and never got over her.
What can I do? A person mos wants to be with someone who looks at me as their number one. I’m not sure if I should talk to him about it.
A Yoh meisie, that’s a harsh truth-bomb your hubby dropped on you. Aai tog, die goed wat dop mens laat sê. You mos know, wynpraatjies just get you in trouble.
Auntie is just wondering, is this the first time you have felt that you are not his number one?
Did it come out of nowhere? Or have you suspected as much in the past and just not admitted it to yourself, but now his dronkverdriet confirmed it?
Because if you had felt like this before, you would have wanted to talk to him about this already and deal with it, even before his drunken confession.
On the other hand, if it really came as a total surprise and you always thought things are super kwaai between you two, things are a bit tougher.
The way Auntie sees it, you have a couple of options with a couple of different outcomes, and you have to decide which one is best.
The first is to hou jou mond and not talk about it. Do you think it might just have been a dronk comment that was meaningless?
Something that has nothing to do with your current relationship? Can you live with this, or will it keep haunting you?
The other option is, of course, to tune him about it; and here are a few possible outcomes:
Maybe he explains it all, that the biere just made him emotional and he actually is just still feeling guilty about not being able to make his first marriage work, that he doesn’t love her anymore, but knowing someone else makes her happy when he couldn’t is a blow to his ego.
Would you believe it and move on? Or would you still think “no, I’m second best” and remain stressed and unhappy?
The second possibility is he admits he thinks his ex is the love of his life, but says he also loves you. Would you feel comforted by that or is it not good enough?
The third possibility is he admits that he still smaaks for his ex and is not happy in your marriage. If this is what he says, are you prepared to end things?
Be honest with yourself and decide if you can live with talking to him, or not. Because in order to move forward, you are going to have to make a decision on how to handle this, and then you will need to deal with the fallout.