Q Hello Pearl, thanks for reading my email. I’m in a very uncomfortable situation with my friend who recently went through a hectic break-up.
I’ve really been there for her during this tough time, and she has been venting to me a lot.
Nou ek verstaan she is all mad at her ex and that is why she is dissing him, but she has been saying some other stuff that I don’t know how to handle.
Check this Auntie, she says part of the reason her ex broke up with her is because he wasn’t attracted to her.
We’re all still in our early 20s, so I’m not going to gaan af about this. At our age you mos first smaak a person because of their looks, and then see where the other things go. But Auntie this is not the problem.
My friend is now coming with all kinds of mal gedagtes about this whole thing.
Like she says the reason he didn’t think she is hot is because she wears glasses.
And then she goes on to complain about beauty standards and that it’s unfair that white girls are still seen as attractive when they wear glasses, but that coloured girls are not.
Then she also went on about how it’s ridiculous that coloured girls also have to hide their vision problems from men otherwise they won’t get dates.
This is mos total nonsense! I’m a coloured meisie who wears glasses and I have a berk, and a lot of guys check me out.
Those conversations make me dik uncomfortable. But she’s still really upset about the break-up and I don’t want to make her feel bad but I also never want to hear that stuff again.
What do I do?
From ST
A Good grief, meisie, this is one of the most crazy emails Auntie has ever received.
It’s not like we can say, “Yes, your friend is correct that there is a stereotype that white women look hot in glasses but coloured girls don’t”.
Hayibo, where does she even get these gedagtes?
To Auntie it just sounds like your friend is spiraling out of control due to the break-up.
She is obviously not coping with the fact that this one guy doesn’t find her attractive, and she is lashing out and looking to blame it on anything but the truth.
And even though we all know that everyone is not attracted to us, it’s still not lekker to hear it. But it is not an excuse to come up with crazy reverse racism gedagtes.
She’ll probably get over this in time, but while the break-up is fresh she’s clearly going to be a bietjie taatie.
Your job as a friend is to support her, but your job as a decent human being is to tune her straight.
Tell her you think she is being unfair. But be careful, meisie, because you still wear glasses and have a boyfriend… your friend could be jealous.