Q Dear Auntie Pearl, I hope you are safe and healthy.
Please can you drop some pearls of wisdom for me on how to deal with my t**f sister.
She’s always been insensitive and arrogant, but things have now really started to go to the next level since our mommy passed away.
I’m 49 years old and she’s 42.
My mom’s death was really hard for me and I still cry a lot.
But my ice queen sister just says “I don’t do tears” and wants us all to “move on”.
She doesn’t even want to help take care of my daddy.
She is also mean to me, like last week when she saw a bottle of wine in my fridge, she frowned at me with a heavy judgemental face, and the next day I found a leaflet for Alcoholics Anonymous under my door.
I know it was her. I mean really now. Ons is mos nie meer laaities nie.
Auntie, I’m not some dronklap. Sure I have a drink or two every now and then. But I don’t get gesuip.
I don’t know what to do about her anymore.
I’m not big on confrontation, but this is really causing me a lot of unhappiness.
From Stressed Out Sandisiwe.
A Dear Sandisiwe, aren’t you sweet, thank you for caring, yes, Auntie is veilig en gesond; hope you are as well.
Jinne but this sister of yours sure sounds like a real piece of work.
But this situation is maybe a bit more complicated than one might think.
On the one hand, we have your sister behaving like a mean girl.
On the other hand, we have to remember that she is also dealing with the death of your mother.
How people react and process a loss such as this is always different.
It doesn’t make her actions and behaviour right, though.
So where you may want to cry a lot, someone else might deal with their sadness by shutting out their emotions.
What makes Auntie raise an eyebrow is that you say your sister has always been insensitive. The loss of a parent has clearly just enhanced her stink attitude.
Is it possible that she has always been jealous of your relationship with your parents?
Were you closer with them than she was?
Perhaps your sis just feels she is getting her own back.
Dis vieslik to be like this after the death of your mom, but dealing with death is tough. Hopefully she just needs to work through her own issues and need time.
In the meantime, Sandisiwe, you are going to have to put on your big girl pants and tell your sister her behaviour is unacceptable. You need to stand up for yourself.
Tell her if she cannot be supportive and accept you as you are, she should rather leave you alone.
If she won’t treat you with respect and kindness, that ice queen can stay cold and alone in her own winter kingdom.