Q
Dear Auntie Pearl, I don’t know if you can help me because my problem is a modern one. But it’s about my girlfriend so maybe it’s just relationship wisdom I need.
The problem is that my girlfriend is obsessed with taking selfies. She is constantly pulling the duck face and snapping herself. All the time!
She even took selfies at her granny’s funeral, and a couple of times even when we had sex!
When she is not taking selfies, she looks at all the pics she has taken. It never ends. We were celebrating our one-year anniversary of dating the other day, so I took her to a nice restaurant.
I begged her not to be on her phone all night, but as soon as we sat down she had the damn thing out and was taking pictures. Not one or two, probably about 50 throughout the night!
I could hear and see the people at tables around us skinner and laugh at her. I don’t know what to do! Please help.
From Jermaine
A
Of course Auntie can help! I might be a bietjie oud, but I’m not koud, and I’m wakker and know all about social media. Your problem is not a generational ding or technology or social media… this is a straight-up obsession (or even addiction) issue!
Your girlfriend has a problem, and she needs help. So first off you need to decide whether you are going to help her.
You’re still dating, and Auntie doesn’t know whether you are serious about taking this into the long term, or whether an issue like this so soon in the relationship is a deal-breaker.
But you sound like a kwaai berk, so let’s get your meisie to stop looking at her phone, and start seeing you.
It’s time for the tough love.
You need to let your girl understand that you are not prepared to be in a relationship where you are the third wheel because at the moment it sounds like she has a tighter relationship with her phone than with you.
Tune her straight that her behaviour is inconsiderate and rude. She needs to hear the truth. Confront her and tell her you are gatvol of her fiddling with her phone all the time.
While Auntie thinks the best thing to do would be to cut her off from social media, go cold turkey, it’s just not going to happen. So maybe try and get her off it step by step.
For example, ask her to stop taking selfies for one hour each day. Next week, add a half hour. Or ban all cellphones when you’re out, or in bed.
Hopefully, she’ll start seeing there are more interesting things than her phone. If she has a problem with this, tune her you want her to get professional help, and that she must go to a psychologist or therapist who specialises in addiction and/or cognitive behavioural therapy.
Ja, dis groot wooorde daai, and hopefully it will smack her in the face with the reality of how her behaviour is affecting you.
The bottom line is and you can tune her that she has to choose: it’s either you or the phone.