Q Hi Auntie Pearl, I need some advice about the Big L, because I’m really in the dark now.
When is it too soon to tell someone you love them?
I’ve never really felt this way, and although I’ve had a couple of boyfriends in the past, it’s always been casual and I never felt right to take it to the next level, emotionally, you know.
So we met about a year and a half ago, and we’ve been dating for about five months.
I recently was away from home visiting family in the Easten Cape, and when I got back, my berk came to pick me up from the bus stop.
Auntie, when he gave me a hug he said, “I love you”.
This came a bit out of the blue. It’s not that I didn’t have these feelings for him, but I felt it’s a bit soon to drop the L-bomb.
Now Auntie, I didn’t say anything at the time, but later felt like I wanted to share my feelings with him so I told him last night.
Then came a moerse surprise, because he said, “Are we there yet?”
Auntie, my bek het sommer oopgehang, so surprised was I. I was flustered and embarrassed.
When I got my bearings together again, he said he doesn’t remember saying it at all.
He also said things like, “If I said it, I meant it”, and when he realised I was a bit confused and taken aback, he told me to “not overthink this”.
What must I do now, Auntie? I’m very deurmekaar.
Saying “I love you” is a big thing, and something I haven’t said to a guy in over five years.
Now I worry I said it too soon. Do I just pretend it didn’t happen when we talk again?
From Anxious Anna
A Ai shame my girl, we all know how love can turn a person’s world upside down. So let’s just dive right in.
You know, Anna, what Auntie thinks is that your situation isn’t really about the timing of you saying “I love you”, or even that you feel embarrassed that you didn’t get the reaction you expected – it’s actually about your boyfriend’s response – “are we there yet?”
That’s what little kids say during long car drives. A grown-up man tuning you this when you are sharing such important feelings…ha-ah.
First you need to figure out what you want. Where do you think this relationship is headed and do you want to be there for the journey?
And then find out what your berk has to say.
Om ‘n lang storie kort te maak: you have to find out if you two are on the same page.
Now apparently he said “I love you”, but then denied it.
You may never know if you were simply hearing what you wanted to hear, or whether he simply said it in the heat of the moment and now regrets it.
But let that be in the past now, and focus on the future of your relationship.
You can’t let your whole relationship hinge on one word, even a big one such as LOVE. Rather make sure you are on the same page before expecting anything more.