Q
Dear Pearl, should I break up with my boyfriend just because he makes me feel insecure about my nose?
It’s big, and I used to have issues about it but I have gotten over most of it.
But my boyfriend has actually told me that before we got bymekaar he and his friends made gat of me behind my back.
Now he does not tease me or anything, but can I believe him when he compliments me?
I’m scared he might never be able to make me feel beautiful. Is this a stupid reason to break up with him? Am I the problem?
From Lucy
A
Jinne, this is mos the problem Auntie has with the glitz and glam of the media and Hollyweird and celebs. They sell a certain standard of beauty, and anyone who looks different is supposedly ugly.
But that is nonsense, and thankfully, the times are changing and society is learning that there is more to beauty than a maergat meisie with long hair and blue eyes.
Shame, Lucy, it’s never nice to be made fun of, especially for something that you can’t do anything about.
Auntie is so proud that you are not letting your appearance give you issues anymore.
So let’s talk about your relationship issue.
When your berk told you how they used to make fun of you, was he being mean, or was he apologetic?
When boys are young they are not lekker emotionally and he may have only gone along with saying vieslike dinge about you to fit in with his friends.
You mos know how people are they look for an easy target to tease because they have something physical that they, too, are self-conscious about.
When people are varkerig about someone else’s appearance, they are probably just trying to divert attention from their own issues.
Your boyfriend obviously finds you attractive and probably not just physically, which is kwaai.
Otherwise he would not be going out with you.
Perhaps he is actually such a kwaai ou that he just wanted to be honest. He did not have to tell you about what happened in the past, you know, but he came clean.
You got over your issues before. How did you do that? Can you get over your berk’s past behaviour as well?
There are probably things that he is insecure about as well.
But if he can’t accept you for being unique then perhaps you need to find someone who will.