Q
Dear Auntie Pearl, I don’t know if my boyfriend is just more adventurous than me, or if he is a sicko.
He says he wants to watch while I get it on with other lovers.
I told him he can forget about it, but then he went on to explain why.
Auntie, he says it is because he has a problem with his confidence in bed.
Apparently, his previous girlfriend was a real piece of work who was just cruel and heartless, and left him emotionally wrecked.
She also apparently dissed him about his body and skill between the sheets.
Now he says while he does want to have sex with me, he might not be able to perform, and thinks he would get a boost of confidence if he saw me with other people first.
Am I being weird for not wanting to do this? Hy praat my kop deurmekaar.
He already worked out a plan for how we do this.
He says we must go to the clubs and pretend to be only friends.
So while I can jol and try and pick up guys, he will stay sober, keep an eye on me and my bag, and then at the end of the night offer to drive me and my one-night stand home.
Then while we go off to bed, my boyfriend wants to sneak a peek.
I don’t understand why everything has to be so complicated, why can’t we simply work all of this out in bed ourselves?
Now I’m worried that if I refuse, he will dump me. What must I do?
From Unsatisfied in Khaya.
A
Jirre girl, are you listening to yourself?
This guy is milly in die kop.
Who wants to see their girlfriend being satisfied by another man?
OK, Auntie is sure there are all kinds of wild people out there who like this gross behaviour, but in a healthy relationship, there is no place for sulke dinge.
You already sound very unsure about this whole “operation” in the first place.
Trust your instincts, sweetie, and tell this berk“no way”!
Tune him he can forget about you getting jiggy with another man and he can forget about just watching you do anything.
To be honest, it sounds to Auntie as if this berk of yours is just trying to fulfil some vuil fantasy.
Watching his girl getting bymekaar with another man, sies, dis mos pervert gedrag daai!
You had better watch out for this guy, he sounds cunning and manipulative.
Auntie is now sommer starting to wonder what his ex would have to say about all this.
She could have dumped him for this very reason, trying to get her to star in his personal porno. Hayibo!
What you should do is to tell him to voetsek because you are a mature adult who does not resort to perversions to try and fix problems.
If he really wants to work things out, you can talk about it.
Meisie, if this leads to him breaking up with you, then count yourself lucky.
You really don’t want to be with a guy like this who is deurmekaar with spying on group sex sessions. Dis naar!
Here’s a bietjie wysheid to all you meisies out there: if a guy wants to force you to do something you don’t want to, then tell him to gooi ‘n lange.
Clearly he is not taking your feelings, emotions and needs into consideration.
And that means he does not deserve you.
Being single is not a bad thing. But not being true to yourself is not cool.