Q
Dear Auntie Pearl, I hope you can help.
My wife and I have been together for almost 20 years and married almost half of that time.
We have two teenagers.
We had marriage issues in the past like any married couple.
A few months ago I noticed her looking at her sister’s boyfriend, and when she saw me looking at her, she looked down into her lap.
Afterwards she went to the kitchen and he followed after a while and spoke to her.
I didn’t take much note.
But then I started monitoring their WhatsApp accounts and I noticed when she is online then shortly afterwards he will be as well.
This happened about 15 to 20 times a day.
I monitored them for about two months, and also the contacts we have in common.
They are not online those times, she only has about 30 WhatsApp contacts.
I started taking screenshots and made notes of the dates and times.
I also noticed she takes her phone everywhere, whether in the kitchen or going to the bathroom or if she is in the lounge – the phone is always within arms length from her.
And when she chats, it’s so that I can’t see who she’s chatting with.
She also suddenly has a favourite song, the words of which puzzled me. She started wearing make-up and dressing up as well.
She goes to her sister every weekend although I’m off, and spends the whole day there.
She also lies to me about where she was and who was present.
Once, she left early morning and didn’t tell me where she went.
I went to work and don’t know what time she came back.
The following week they were at our place as well as her parents’ and I went to sleep as I felt tired and tipsy and she screamed and swore at me for not taking them home.
There’s some other stuff I’ve noticed, but it’s gonna take more space in your column.
I confronted her with all this, showing her the screenshots and notes, but she denies everything and told me I’m a detective.
I also confronted him. He says I must ask her. The sister also doesn’t believe me.
What do you think I should do because I’m thinking of divorcing her.
From Mr. C. from Cot.
PS. She cheated on me twice before in our marriage that I know of.
A
Oh my word, Mr C!
All this monitoring and checking up and making notes and wondering sounds exhausting!
This doesn’t sound like marriage, it sounds like a jail guard keeping tabs on the b andiete!
Sjoe, who has time to monitor and check on WhatsApp like this – you’ve become dangerously obsessed, boeta.
But Auntie’s not saying you’re wrong – this wifey of yours sure sounds like a piece of work.
Previous jolling, secret bathroom chats, lying about where she’s been – this doesn’t sound like a happy or healthy marriage, rather it’s a recipe for disaster, Mr C.
What I’m hearing is that you are already so deep into this whole thing – there’s so much mistrust, unhappiness, bad blood, lying and cheating – do you even want to still be married to this woman?
Is there anything left to build a good relationship on?
Is she still the person you want to be with?
You honestly can’t continue like this, and you’re already thinking of getting a divorce, so maybe you should just go ahead and do it.
Now Auntie doesn’t usually just gooi the D-word around like that, but since you brought it up first, follow your gut.
This goes for the way you feel about your wife’s cheating ways as well as getting a divorce.
If you feel there’s still hope, see a marriage counsellor together and demand complete honesty.
She may still lie about alles, but this is where you must follow your instincts.
This whole besigheid sounds unhealthy – and like the whole family is in denial about alles.
Maybe it’s time to cut yourself free.
Maybe it’s time to be rid of all the lies, snooping around en alles.