Q Auntie Pearl, I’ve got a big problem on my hands: my boyfriend is a total freeloader.
Jirre, he’s always hanging around and doing things like finishing off my groceries and using my fancy expensive shampoo!
Plus, even though he is a qualified personal trainer, he is a couch potato. Can you believe it?
He’s jobless, lazing around all day, smoking zol, and when we do go out once in a blue moon, I’m always left with the bill.
Even worse, he’s always borrowing money from me. Tsek!
I tried telling him we should take a break, but he’s like glue, sticking to me 24/7. Soes ‘n bosluis!
I kick him out to go to his parents’ place, but then the next day he is back on my couch.
He says he loves me to bits, but I mos can’t be his free meal ticket forever Auntie.
How can I give him the boot nicely without things turning into a total disaster?
From Penny
A Penny my dear, this berk of yours is not glue, he is a full-on bosluis like you said!
Don’t you worry, Auntie’s got a plan for you. Listen up, buttercup, here’s how you ditch a leech in five easy steps:
Step 1: Put on your best outfit
Meisie, you have to dress to impress, because you’re about to show this ou what he’s missing.
Step 2: Dinner Drama
Invite him to go with you to a fancy restaurant, somewhere that the food is dik expensive. Order all the lekker kos, and let him enjoy every bite.
Step 3: Bill Showdown
When the bill comes, put on your best poker face. Look him in the eye and tune him straight that you’ve had enough of him sponging off you. Explain that this is his chance to step up, or it’s hasta la vista, baby.
Step 4: Home Alone
If he can’t haal uit for the meal, or at least a big part of it, tell him it’s over. Then go drop him off at his parents’ place.
And here’s the main move: While you are out to dinner, have a friend pack up his belongings and drop it off at his parents’ place.
Then say your goodbyes and make it clear that things are done and dusted.
Step 5: Beep-beep, Bye Bye
As you drive away, give the hooter a couple of loud honks, or let the taxi driver gooi it.
That’s the sound of your newfound freedom, my dear!
Don’t let him reattach himself, even if he tries to guilt-trip you with “unconditional” love. Remember, his only true love is your bank account.
Voetsek, luisgat!
Meisie, this is your time to shine, so take charge of your life and leave this couch potato in your rearview mirror.
You deserve someone who brings more to the table than an empty wallet.
Good luck, and enjoy the sweet taste of independence.