Let’s just be clear. I love women as much as the next guy.
And I am not above looking at a woman who has put effort into looking attractive.
During the holidays now especially, some of our ladies look stunning in their summer dresses and off-the-shoulder blouses.
I can quietly and unobtrusively appreciate the person and the fashion without making her feel uncomfortable. It’s an internal wolf whistle.
If I know her relatively well, then I may comment on how lovely she looks, but I always make sure that I choose my words carefully.
There is a fine line between a genuine compliment and being creepy and a vuilgat.
I believe there’s a lot of education that needs to go into men who believe certain crude and offensive behaviour is not just acceptable, but even welcomed by women. Guys, it is not!
I am referring to the social media video making the rounds of a group of men at a taxi rank harassing two women.
One of the women is wearing Daisy Dukes – very short, tight-fitting denim shorts.
The other is wearing a figure-hugging dress. Both look summertime gorgeous.
But they were both also fearing for their lives, as the men pursued them with crude remarks, even lifting the one woman’s dress, to expose her behind.
As I watched the video, I found myself fuming and wondering how scared those ladies must have been in that moment.
Not knowing how far these men were going to take their behaviour and whether they would become another GBV statistic in the next day’s news cycle.
It’s things like this that lead to movements like #MenAreTrash, because that was a very trashy thing to do.
But it does bring me to some commentary, which I’m sure I’ll get some flak for from some circles.
In the context of our society, I have to ask whether it is perhaps not a bit naïvely short-sighted to dress like that.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I firmly believe that women have every right to dress in any way they see fit.
But as I explained to my teenage daughter recently, just because it is your constitutional right to wear a mini skirt and a see-through top, doesn’t mean you are going to survive walking alone through Cape Town at midnight dressed like that.
Of course it isn’t fair, but it is also our reality at the moment.
You can protest that reality and put yourself at risk by doing it anyway, or you can keep highlighting the gender disparity until it changes.
And you can recruit more men to speak up both publicly and privately when other men denigrate women in their company.
Start with the guys at that taxi rank, if you know them.