If you’re reading this, I think it’s about time that you guys invade earth.
We humans have made a complete mess of things and it doesn’t look like we’re ever going to get it right.
Our problem is that we don’t have one singular goal that unifies us.
We are currently fighting a whole lot of infantile battles among ourselves and we appear to be regressing emotionally and psychologically.
Don’t get me wrong!
There are a few things that we are really good at.
For example, we have used our superior intellect to come up with very innovative ways to kill each other and destroy our planet.
In case you didn’t know, we have already waged two wars that involved almost every human being on our little planet.
In the second one, we thought up an awesome weapon of destruction that is able to kill thousands of us at a time.
There are still some serious concerns that some of our leaders are willing to use this weapon again, because they disagree with each other’s policies.
Here’s another thing that should give you a good giggle.
We are advancing quite quickly these days and we should catch up with you guys soon.
But we are still discriminating among ourselves based on our skin tone and hair.
I know, I know! That must be very funny to you guys.
You see, some of us moved to a colder part of the planet long ago and consequently evolved having pale skin and long, straight hair to keep warm.
Our biology is very clever that way!
This group developed differently over the centuries with different values, which they then sold to their dark-skinned cousins as better and more desirable.
I don’t really know why we fell for it, but we are now at a time where many earthlings believe this nonsense.
Some now regularly act on their own and shoot dead dozens of people at a time in public, simply because they have darker skins.
Our leaders aren’t really doing anything about it, so I think having a single enemy for humanity focus our attention on, is the answer.
We will be forced to work together to defeat you, you see.
Also, we have more than enough resources, but millions of us can’t access it because a handful prefer to collect and hoard it away for themselves and their offspring.
The result is that the resources are dwindling and millions of earthlings are starving and don’t have anywhere safe to live.
Funny story; for energy, we rely on a propellant that our planet creates deep under the surface.
So we kill one another for it and those who have lots of it, live luxurious lives at the expense of their citizens.
We haven’t built inter-galactic ships yet, because they use this money to build fast earth-bound vehicles that they store away inside massive houses for themselves.
Nobody really knows why they collect these things, but they are very proud of themselves, and many others strive to be just like them.
I know it sounds like I’m writing fiction, but this is all true.
I don’t know how you guys do things on your planet, but here, we don’t really value all the earthlings equally.
Our females (who are responsible for our continued existence as they are the only members of our species who can reproduce) are treated as inferior and our children (the future of our race) are often starved or mistreated.
We also don’t exploit the abilities and skills of all our citizens equally, which is another reason why our progress has been so slow as a species.
The humans with the light skins value their intelligence more, so they ignore possible contributions from the rest of us.
Again, I’m not kidding.
We are so obsessed with nursing our fears and ignorance, that we are destroying ourselves.
That’s why I beg you to invade us, just a little, please.
We need you to arrive in a few of your most scary spaceships, the way our Hollywood movies have been predicting for decades.
You don’t have to bring all your fellow aliens and you definitely don’t have to come destroy everything and everyone.
I was thinking our two planets could just have a small stand-off for a few weeks.
Maybe you could say a few threatening words and demand to see our leaders.
You will, of course, need to show us what you’re capable of, so maybe you could abduct and pretend to eat a few of the really bad earthlings, so the others can see.
We are all addicted to screens here, so nobody will miss it.
Then you could leave, but it would be very helpful if you could threaten to come back with even more aliens.
The threat of you returning to wage war against us should give us something to unite over.
It may also spark us enough to work together to advance even quicker, so that we can defend ourselves better.
Who knows, maybe this will springboard us into being galactic species like you, and then we could all have a good laugh about this over a few drinks in a few centuries time.
So you see, you would really be doing all of us a huge favour if you invaded us soon.
A Sunday would be a good day!