Q: Hi Auntie, I have a problem because I have “misophonia”.
I know it’s a big word and that almost nobody knows what it is, but basically it just means that certain sounds drive me crazy.
When I hear some things, it triggers a hectic response in me. Sometimes it’s just annoying, but other times I sommer get angry and want to run away!
As a kid, I thought I was a terrible person for getting so angry at things like my mom chewing or my sister coughing.
When I found out it is a real condition, it was such a relief!
I’m not terrible or crazy and others have this issue too. It still affects me, but I’ve mostly learned to cope.
My problem now is at work. I share space with my director, a woman who eats at her desk, chews with her mouth open, makes random smacking sounds and even talks to herself.
I’ve tried everything to block out the noise, from earbuds to listening to podcasts or music. Sometimes I get so jas I have to take a break outside.
I’ve even spoken to HR and they said they’d try to set up cubes in our office. But it’s been months, and nothing has changed.
I’ve started working from home one day a week, but I still have to deal with this three days a week. I feel like I have to quit or I will really lose my mind.
I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel I can’t talk to her directly because she doesn’t take criticism well. How can she be so oblivious to the noise she is making?
Please, help me!
From Sounds of Silence
A: Ag nee, meisie, Auntie can hear you’re really struggling. This sounds like a proper nightmare for anyone, let alone someone with misophonia.
First things first, you’ve got to put yourself first. If this situation is making you so miserable that you’re considering quitting your job, then it’s serious.
But let’s try a few things before you get to that point.
Go back to HR and let them know again that this is impacting your health and productivity. Be clear and assertive.
Remind them that they promised to make changes and ask for a specific timeline for when those changes will happen.
Now Auntie isn’t a specialist in misophonia, so if it’s possible you should seek professional help. Sometimes a therapist can offer strategies to cope better with those triggers. Maybe you can get HR to help you get this rolling.
You could also check if there are any quiet rooms or unused spaces in your office or building where you can work for part of the day. Sometimes a change of environment can do wonders.
But at this stage, Auntie thinks the best solution would be to see if it is possible to work from home a bit more.
Explain
Explain to your boss and HR that you’re more productive and less stressed when working remotely due to your condition.
If nothing changes and you’re still feeling like you’re crawling out of your skin, the last resort would be considering other job opportunities. Your mental health and well-being is far too important to compromise.
Remember meisie, you deserve it and it is your right to work in an environment where you can thrive, not just survive. Don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself.
Q: Hi Auntie, I hope you had a lekker weekend. I need your wisdom. It’s about my berk.
Let me start by saying this man is a total dream – smart, gentlemanly, and fine as hell. He is super affectionate, always touching me in some way, and I love it.
The problem? He is destroying my wardrobe!
I love wearing delicate, girly clothes, especially my vintage finds (Auntie mos knows you can sometimes pick up a bargain at second-hand shops). But just in the last few weeks, he has managed to rip a broek, shred a blouse and tear holes in the waist of a vintage dress.
It’s like living with a giant kitten who doesn’t know his own strength.
I don’t want him to stop being affectionate, but I need him to be a bit gentler with my outfits.
Do I pull his hands away when he gets too rough or should I just wear T-shirts?
From Gentle Geraldine
A: Yoh, Auntie has a couple of cat jokes that she can drop here, but let’s not go down that road. Auntie can hear your man’s rough pawing is making you fur-ious.
Now while his constant rubbing, scratching and stroking might make you feel like you are living with a giant cat, the reality is that your berk is a man.
So what you need to do is treat him like one. Sit him down and tell him about your problem. Unlike a pet, he’ll understand your words.
Tune him that his roughness is costing you your precious pieces that mean a lot to you.
Be gentle and let him know that while you smaak his affection, if he doesn’t ease up, you’ll have no choice but to start pulling his hands away or wear cheap T-shirts when he visits.
But if tearing off of each other’s clothes is something that you both enjoy and turns you on, then why not incorporate it into your make-out sessions?
Save it for a special occasion, and maybe you can buy some specific goedkoop klere that won’t break your heart when they’re torn to pieces.
** Talk to pear: SMS “Pearl” and your message to 33258, or email [email protected].