It’s Valentine’s Day on Tuesday and while some argue that it’s a money-making racket, it’s still an opportunity to pause and carefully consider your feelings for your person.
I no longer see it as a day for grand gestures, but rather a day to reflect on your relationship.
Of course it helps if that reflection ends with a lovely meal in a fancy restaurant, which you have been saving up for.
But it is by no means a requirement in these tough financial times.
I think it’s an opportunity to think deeply and critically about the progress of your relationship and to reassess your dreams and goals.
Most importantly, I believe this week presents the ideal chance to have an honest look at yourself as a partner; to chart your progress over the last year and plot the growth that’s needed over the coming 12 months.
The question to ask is, how does your own behaviour contribute towards the state of your relationship?
This is the fundamental question someone like that alleged wife-beating Bellville businessman should be asking himself this week.
The video of him assaulting his wife in bed at night, while their young daughter attempts to protect her mother, went viral online recently.
It is a very difficult video to watch as he lays into her, throws her from the bed and seemingly strangles her.
All while the traumatised child looks on with an intermittent but futile attempt to help.
According to the story, he is successful in business, but clearly not that much as a man or a father.
He is clearly a deeply troubled individual who is stuck in the dark ages, when it was acceptable for men with low self-esteem to take out their frustration and aggression on the people they claim to love the most.
Ironically, he is due in court again on Thursday – as this week of love comes to an end.
I relate this story, because I know it is not unique in our communities.
I grew up seeing women picking themselves up and going to work with swollen eyes, bruised bodies and a flimsy explanation.
Trapped in the cycle of violence, they of course stay in the relationship, constantly on their guard, never knowing when the next outburst will happen, or why.
I am hoping that even just one such man reads this and thinks about his behaviour and the damage he has been causing to himself and his family.
Your violence must be reserved for protecting them.
You cannot claim to love them, or care about them while also causing them physical, emotional and psychological pain on a regular basis.
It is time you stop and be a real man, one who openly shows affection and admiration for your partner.
It is time to learn patience in the face of what you perceive to be provocation and new coping mechanisms for your frustrations.
You cannot love them while they fear you. And you can change!