Q: Hey Auntie Pearl.
Here’s my story: I’m 18 and earlier this year I split from my boyfriend of two years. But things got a bit complicated. Even though we broke up, his parents threw him a massive 18th birthday jol last month.
They had invited me before the breakup, and he said he still wanted me there, so I ended up going.
Well, the party went wild and we both got drunk. One thing led to another and we slept together.
We didn’t have any protection, but luckily, I had a morning-after pill in my bag, which I took just before we got busy.
Now I’m stressing, Auntie. Does the morning-after pill work if you take it before, or did I mess up?
– From Worried in Wynberg
A: Meisie, Auntie understands that young hearts can lead to quick decisions, especially when there’s a big party and spirits are high.
But, my dear, let’s talk a moment about getting gesuip and the decisions we make when under the influence.
It’s one thing to celebrate and have a lekker time, it’s another to let the juice loosen our good senses, especially around an ex.
Remember, alcohol can turn small sparks back into big fires before you know it.
Now, about that morning-after pill. Taking it before sex isn’t how it's intended to be used.
It’s supposed to be taken as soon as possible after unprotected sex, ideally within 24 hours but up to 72 hours.
It might still work since it was close to the time, but Auntie is sure as hell not going to bet on it. And neither should you.
Auntie strongly advises popping over to a clinic or seeing a doctor to clear up any worries and to make sure everything is alright.
They’ll give you the best advice.
And here’s some more advice from Auntie: Hou op drink en seks!
That goes for all of you out there in Daily Voice land. Of course, Auntie understands that this is not reality, so let’s get real.
So, always wear a condom! It’s not just about preventing pregnancy, it’s also about protecting yourself from sexually-transmitted infections.
Q: Hi Auntie, I need some advice about my sister.
She’s 28, I’m 34, and lately maak sy my mal with her negativity.
She just moved to Joburg for a new job, so we’ve been texting more to stay in touch.
But jinne, every day it’s a new complaint from her! If it’s not the aircon being too cold or too hot, it’s about her colleagues who are too loud, the traffic that’s a nightmare, or her flatmate who never washes the dishes.
She also can’t stand the coffee at work, and don’t get me started on how she goes on about the long queues at the grocery store.
And once she gets started on something, it drags on for weeks!
It’s gotten to the point where I sommer get properly opgewerk, and I even snapped at my boyfriend the other day after one of her text rants.
I don’t think she sees how good she’s got it, really.
Is there a way I can tell her to try and see the bright side of things without starting a fight?
I just want some peace and maybe for her to start noticing the good stuff, not just the bad.
– From Fed Up in the Cape
A: Auntie hears you loud and clear, my darling.
It sounds like you’re carrying quite a heavy load with your sister’s constant complaints.
It’s not easy being the dumping ground for someone else’s troubles, no matter how much you love them.
Now, it’s wonderful that you want to support your sister, especially with her being in a new city and all, but you’ve got your own peace of mind to think about too, my dear.
Here’s a little guidance on how to handle this without turning it into a family drama.
Set some boundaries: Next time she starts on a negative note, gently steer the conversation to something more positive.
If she persists, it’s OK to say something like, “I hear you, but let’s find a solution instead of focusing on the problem,” or “Let’s talk about something uplifting – tell me something good that happened today.”
Schedule your chats: Sometimes, knowing when you’re going to talk can help you prepare mentally and emotionally.
Maybe suggest having a specific time to catch up so it’s not all day, every day. This way, you can manage your own mood and energy better.
Encourage her to broaden her support network: Gently suggest that she makes some friends in Joburg or joins a club or a group that aligns with her interests. If she has more people to share with, it might lighten the load on you.
Be honest about how it affects you: It’s okay to let her know how her negativity impacts you.
Say it with love, like, “I really want to support you, but sometimes it’s hard for me to hear so much negativity. It affects my mood too.”
Why don’t you encourage her to start a positivity journal? It’s simple: every night before she hits the hay, she can jot down one good thing that happened that day.
It could be anything, even something small such as enjoying a lekker cup of coffee or a smile from a stranger.
This way, whenever she’s feeling down or overwhelmed by the city life, she can flip through her journal and remind herself of all the little blessings she’s encountered.
It’s a great way for her to shift her focus from the negative to the positive.
Plus, it might make your conversations a bit more cheerful as she shares the good stuff with you instead of just the gripes.
Give it a try, my love, and see if it helps her (and your chats) sparkle a bit more!
** Talk to pear: SMS “Pearl” and your message to 33258, or email [email protected].