I’m still busy reading the fascinating “State of SA Father’s Report,” which I told you about last week.
Coincidentally I had a chat with a lawyer friend this week, who also confirmed that more men are interested in being the primary caregivers of their children these days.
She told me that the courts no longer grant custody to mothers automatically and fathers are, therefore, fighting a little harder.
Of course, this is a double-edged sword, because you don’t want kids being raised by abusive men.
But if you consider only the positive, then it could mean that men are truly starting to understand their role in a child’s life and are willingly accepting the responsibility.
This also applies to the wonderful phenomenon of “social fathers”.
These are other men in a household or community who can play the guidance role that is often so lacking for our children today.
RISK: Aggression in society. Photo: MATTHEW JORDAAN/INLSA
It can be stepfathers, uncles, grandfathers, older brothers or even a caring, trustworthy neighbour.
I have always believed that we as men can play a much bigger role in our communities to help change the way children see themselves and their futures.
In fact, the report says society needs to move away from seeing men merely as ATMs that look after the material needs of children.
“The role and involvement of men in the ‘caring work’ of child-rearing in general must be promoted and valued.”
While the report was compiled by the Sonke Gender Justice NGO and the Human Sciences Research Council, it draws any dozens of other reports and research into the topic.
I reckon it serves as a clarion call to all men who constantly blame the state of our communities on everything other than our own lack of involvement.
Yes, of course, the gang violence on the Cape Flats have many causes, among them a lack of police resources, the legacy of apartheid, a semi- interested government and an influx of drugs and guns.
But these can all be seen as symptomatic of a problem that is far too big for any one group or person to tackle.
Going to one of the roots of the problem gives us hope that we can actually do something about it.
If not for ourselves currently, then at least for our kids.
The following quote affects the social issues on the Cape Flats directly and gives us the tools to deal with it ourselves.
It should sound all too familiar to us trying to figure out a way of effectively dealing with it: “Girls who grow up with their fathers are more likely to have higher self-esteem, lower levels of risky sexual behaviour, and fewer difficulties in forming and maintaining romantic relationships later in life. They have less likelihood of having an early pregnancy, bearing children outside marriage, marrying early or getting divorced. Boys growing up in absent father households are more likely to display ‘hyper-masculine’ behaviour, including aggression.”
And, in our case, that aggression means bullets in broad daylight that kill, maim and traumatise our children.
If we use this report to guide our actions going forward, we can turn all of that around in just one generation.