BLUES TARGET: Tiemoue Bakayoko

I know. I know. Considering my words last week about the transfer fantasy world and how stupid it is to get caught up in it, this is a huge contradiction.

But he’s proper quality and would force Nemanja Matic out, a player that’s done his time at the Bridge.

Bakayoko is a football Frankenstein – the power and control of Patrick Vieira, the majestic style of Paul Pogba, the vision of Cesc Fabregas, the drive of Ramires and defensive quality of Kante

Yes, for me, one of the best players in the world right now and he’s not even 23 yet!

Why isn’t every top club in Europe bidding for him?

Do they know something Chelsea don’t?

Did they see him take the piss out of Juventus in the Champions League?

Has anyone followed his performances this season?

I’ve been watching “The best of Bakayoko” on Youtube over the last week who the hell needs PornHub!

Apart from Manchester City, we’re still at the foreplay stage of the transfer game.

Arsene Wenger is stroking Mbappe’s inner thigh, Mourinho waggling his tongue around Alvaro Morata’s left earlobe, Kyle Walker parading in his frilly knickers.

Even Piers Morgan – one of the world’s most annoying pricks – is blowing kisses and whispering that Diego Costa might be a target for the Gunners.

The calm before the storm, or should I say, the sensitive moments before a good ol’ fashioned rogering!

Of course the hope is that whoever your side is, they’ll be wrapping up early business ahead of the pre-season run-outs, just to start the bonding process.

But as the fees get higher and the agents become more ruthless, the more protracted business can become.

“False news” is more prevalent in football than anywhere else.

Agents even advising players to put out semi-cryptic messages on social media. It’s all in the name of gaining a bigger buck.

I tend to scan for a decent understanding of probable business.

Unfortunately, Romelu Lukaku is 1/6 on to join Chelsea, which worries me.

I’ve had the conversation so many times regarding my distrust of the player.

Yes, he scores goals – 25 for Everton last season.

But when you watch him week in, week out he misses so many, his first touch is often clumsy and his anticipation, positioning and running the channels are too often naïve.

There’s no way he can be considered world class and at £80m, has got to be one of the biggest cons in transfer history.

I pray that I’m wrong and that he has got the potential to click into top gear, especially with the likes of Fabregas, Hazard, Willian and Pedro feeding perfect passes.

So yes ladies and gents, lots about to happen and lots more bulls*** to face

Apparently even Arsene Wenger is going to splash £100m!! See you all next Tuesday with the latest bollox.