Without getting censored and banned from ever writing on a public platform again, I can’t tell you how maddened I am with the army of international "fans" on social media platforms spouting their k@k about k@k they don’t really understand.
It’s the sort of crap that says: “I really don’t understand what supporting a football club means”.
Ok, I’m not the go-to guy for the rules, not that there are any frikkin' rules about being a fan, but these nutsuckers are doing my head in.
So after Chelsea lost 1-0 to Kawasaki Frontale in Japan, Twitter (in particular) went mad with these knobheads calling for Frank Lampard to get sacked.
I mean, for god’s sake, what has the world come to?
FIRE FRANK: Frank Lampard has had a tough pre-season. Photo: Andrew Couldridge/Reuters.
Next thing we’ll have two blonde, plump, buffoons ruling the planet with itchy fingers on nuclear bomb buttons, oh, hold on a minute.
Anyway, for those of us who are actually into football understand why clubs plan a series of pre-season games outside of the pandering to marketing departments who are tasked with expanding international support.
By the time the season starts proper, the squad need to be "match fit", new players need to start the gelling process and new coaches need to test players and formations.
Ok, it’s always better to score goals and win games, but that’s not the primary objective.
There are exceptions, you know, like when Kaizer Chiefs play Orlando Pirates in the Carling Black Label Cup, but that’s rare and quite frankly just a clever, gimmicky brand activation.
Liverpool play Man City in the Community Shield on Sunday, do you think anyone REALLY cares?
So drawing with the Bali Bowling Club or losing to the Hong Kong Scout Brigade really has no emotional impact on me or anyone, barring those spotty little gits on their keyboards.
JUICES FLOWING: Kaizer Chiefs and Orlando Pirates. Photo: Muzi Ntombela/BackpagePix.
The plastic fanatics who treat football the same way they do their favourite teen pop star.
Saying all that, there’s been a couple of competitive fixtures over the last two weeks as things begin to ramp up toward the season.
In the International Champions Cup in China, Tottenham and Manchester United put on a good show, with a few naughty tackles chucked in and in the all-important ‘Rakuten Cup’ in Tokyo, Chelsea and Barcelona went toe-to-toe in a very decent game.
Again, and you’ll notice I haven’t mentioned the scores, all in the name of preparation for the upcoming season.
So in advance, if you Scousers win the European Super Cup against The Blues next month, don’t bother embarrassing yourselves by sending victorious messages to me, I’ll just lump you in with the rest of the Keyboard United Ultras.
Guys, jokes aside, do you realise the 10-day countdown to kickoff is on?
Let me know how you’re feeling, how your club is gonna do this time around. Is it gonna be a Manchester City, Liverpool one-two again?
Can the status quo change? Chat to you next week.