Liverpool need a goalkeeper if they want to win the Premier League.
And no, I’m not talking about Alisson or Simon Mignolet or even Loris Karius.
This has got nothing to do with the composition of Jurgen Klopp’s squad, nor the hunger of the club to finally end a 28-year long drought for the top prize in English football.
No. For Liverpool to get hold of that long-awaited 19th title is the return of a legend.
And that man is Bruce Grobbelaar - the last Liverpool goalkeeper to get a league winners’ medal.
The Zimbabwean attained legendary status with the dominant team of the 1980s.
Anfield koppe of a certain age will remember how he floused Roma’s final penalty-kick taker in the 1984 final.
His jelly legs routine to throw off Francesco Graziani is still one of the many happy memories of that long-gone time.
And now, as then, Grobbelaar holds the key to win their first league title since 1990.
After releasing his memoir this week, he says: “I blame the witch-doctor who came to Anfield because he’s the one who put stuff on my goal and said: ‘If you don’t have Jungleman, you’re not going to win again.’ They haven’t.”
So there you have it, the reason that Liverpool have never won the league since - that is some super strong muti.
But Grobbelaar also knows how to lift the curse.
He adds: “The only way is to urinate on all four posts. I’ve done two but I got caught going down Anfield Road and removed. That’s when Liverpool came second [in 2014]. If we don’t win the title this season I’m going down Anfield Road and doing those two other posts.”
Please, please, please Liverpool fans, write to your owners or sign a petition to get the former Hellenic goalkeeper to take that magical piss before a massive Premier League match, like against Manchester United.
Somma while you all sing “You’ll Never Walk Alone”.