Q
Dear Aunty Merle
I finally saw your show last week and God, I loooved it! My girlfriends and I laughed so much we were in tears.
It was also such a relatable story. You see, just like your daughter, Abigail, I am with a man from outside my community.
Actually, he’s a foreigner. In the beginning, we were besotted with each other. We were two totally different people, and we enjoyed exploring each other’s culture, language, we even have different faiths. It was a classic case of opposites attract.
The family dynamics were awkward, just like in the show, but it’s wonderful how we made it work.
The problem is now, after exploring and getting to know each other for five years, my hubby and I have grown apart.
We have different friends, different lifestyles, different interests and opinions. Even different TVs.
We have nothing in common, we don’t chat and go out together anymore.
Did I make a mistake? What can I do to save our marriage?
From Lonely Lauren
A
Dear Lonely Lauren, let me start with the positive side of things: I am so happy that even though you are going through somewhat of a rough patch in your marriage, you still found the time to have a good time with your girlfriends and watch a comedy show at the Baxter Theatre.
This in itself is a good thing. It says a lot about you. It says that you don’t allow the tough times to get you down.
That’s the way my late mother reared us. She always said: no matter what you are going through behind closed doors, you must always still face the world with your lipstick on – or even just Lip Ice if money’s too tight to mention.
But now back to the seriousness of your problem. People forget how very tricky it can get to set up shop with someone from a completely different cultural group.
It requires some kind of effort and understanding. And when I say effort, I don’t mean it in a bad way. I just mean that it will sometimes mean that you slowly have to inhale and exhale when you realise that not everyone in the world thinks that a gatsby is comfort food. To some people, a gatsby is just a title to a movie.
When my daughter Abigail first told us that she was in a serious relationship with a chap from Bantry Bay, we were slightly concerned. It was a case of Bantry Bay meets Belgravia Road. Almost like Prince Harry and his beautiful Meghan Markle.
Nobody knew for sure whether Alan and Abigail would finally make it to the altar. But they did.
And things seem to be going really well. And I can tell you it’s because they are besotted with each other. And where there is true love, there is always a chance of making things work.
So I am sad to read that you say that after five years, the two of you have grown apart.
Five years are not long at all. If I may, I am going to suggest that I don’t think that both of you have really given this marriage a fair chance.
Now, don’t get me wrong – I’m not being naïve. I know that in this modern world it is possible for couples to wake up one morning and realise that they have totally chosen the wrong partner.
My neighbour, Soraya, said that she was reading a story just the other day about a man who got married and only after two years, realised that his wife had Adam’s apple! And she wasn’t even from Grabouw!
So, of course, he left. But I think we can all agree that that was a situation beyond his control.
But there are some situations that we can make work. Like trying to find out how we can bring the spark back. Like remembering why we first fell in love. And this is true for all couples.
My most important advice to the two of you would be this: Talk to each other before you throw in the towel! Julle kan nog nooit twee different TVs aankykie! For starters, sell one and donate that money to the church.
Fight for love. Walking away should not be the first option.
Praying for you, Aunty Merle.