Q Dear Auntie, I have a bit of an issue that I hope you can give me some advice on.
I am not a spring chicken anymore, and after my husband died a couple of years ago, I have actually become nogal lonely.
Auntie mos knows how it goes… one day you are still surrounded by friends, but the next you are watching the same old rubbish on TV over again because you are stuck alone at home.
Anyways, it’s not that bad. I made friends with one of my neighbours down the road. She is a bit older than me, but she is still young at heart.
It’s been lekker. We can chat and have a lag. And Auntie, I sommer think I am doing something good as well because I keep an eye on her to make sure she is alright.
I really smaak our times together, and it’s not all skinner all the time (although we can praat lang stories about the other neighbours for hours on end).
Anyway, to get to the point: There is now groot trouble over here.
The moeilikheid started about a month ago when her daughter came back from wie weet waar. Probably somewhere in Joburg, where she was agter ’n man aan and it didn’t work out (I’m not surprised, but anyway).
Auntie, now this girl is making herself lastig and clearly does not want me to be friends with her mother.
One time when I went to visit, this young dingetjie answered the door and basically accused me of scheming to get my hands on her mother’s money.
Now Auntie, I can admit that my neighbour has talked about leaving me something in her will, but I think it was sommer talk over a second dop.
And anyways, I am actually OK with my money. Poor, but happy, as they say.
But her daughter is now back in the Cape and she is planning to stick around.
It just feels like there is trouble brewing between me and this meisie. I don’t want to make things morsig between a mother and daughter.
Should I continue to visit my friend? Should I back off? I don’t know.
I don’t want to be alone or lose a friendship, but bloed is dikker as water, as they say.
Please share some pearls of wisdom.
A My dear Patty, Auntie feels you… ons almal raak ouer. It’s such a shame that this lady’s daughter is getting all up in your business in such a nasty, negative way.
But on the other hand, maybe kan ’n mens dit ook verstaan.
She has been away for a time while her mother was getting older and actually maybe the woman needed her. Maybe this girl is feeling a bit guilty.
And coming home to find that someone else who is not family is now a BFF with her mom is probably making her feel even worse.
Perhaps she has never had a close relationship with her mother and is jaloers that you two get on like a house on fire.
Or perhaps she is the one with her eyes fixed on the inheritance and she sees you as a threat.
At this point in time, it could really be any of these things, or a combination of all three, and even something completely different.
Auntie thinks this is a thing that needs to be talked out straight, and the sooner the better.
Don’t even think about doing it at your house or the neighbour’s.
It might be best to find a neutral space; maybe somewhere at the mall or so. Somewhere public where she will hopefully not make a scene.
Then don’t beat about the bush, wees reguit with this youngster and tell her you are not scheming for her mommy’s money.
Tell her you are all settled with what you have and you just appreciate the friendship and good times.
Once you have dropped this on her, back off and be nice. Even if you want to klap her, be the bigger, and older one, and play nice.
Tell her that what is most important is your friendship with her mommy, and that you just want to find a way to keep everyone happy.
You have to be mature and handle this like a wyse vrou. Not like a child, even if she does bring out the bitch in you. Don’t get into an argument with this youngster.
And then maybe give the mom and daughter some space. Don’t go visiting every day.
Let things settle down. Perhaps even invite your neighbour to your place rather than going to her.
Once the daughter realises she has misjudged you, her daughter may even welcome a little extra help as her mother’s needs increase.