Q Dear Aunty Merle, I am 20 years old and I am dating a sweet guy. We get along super well and have the best time together.
There’s just one problem, but maybe I am just being onnodig. You see, aunty, I can’t stand the music he listens to.
I like listening to pop music that gets me in a good mood. You know, I like Beyoncé and even old school singers like Whitney and Mariah.
But my berk just listens to rubbish like Kanye, Drake and AKA. I don’t even want to call it music, it’s just ouens talking nonsense over some beats.
And I don’t even want to mention his vuilbek rap favourites like Cardi B and Nicki Minaj. He’s a polite guy, but when he listens to that “music”, his language sommer changes to f*** this and bitch that.
I really like my boyfriend, but I don’t know if I can stay with him if he is going to blast that music all the time when we are together.
Am I just being silly? What must I do?
A Dear Beatrice, I’m going to address your situation noot vir noot.
The good thing is that at least you both enjoy listening to music.
I have very little time for people who don’t listen to music at all. Strange people.
My brother-in-law in Perth is a case in point. He has zero interest in listening to any type of music. And it actually shows on his face. The man walks around looking like a pall-bearer.
But now your problem is that you and your outjie have very different tastes in music.
I have to tell you that that is completely normal and you absolutely cannot afford for it to cause a rift in your relationship.
Relationships are sometimes all about compromise.
Take my husband, Dennis, and me, for example. Ever since I was a young girl, I’ve always been crazy about Engelbert Humperdinck.
Wanne Engelbert eers so losgebriek het met ’n Quando quando quando, my floral skirt would be flying around my waist from the way my sisters and I used to throw our hips in our yard there in Surrey Street, Harfield.
Now when I got married to Dennis, I assumed that everybody adored Engelbert.
Well, I was very wrong. Dennis is addicted to jazz. And anyone reading this who’s in a relationship with a jazz lover knows that you can’t come between a man and his jazz.
Once Dennis pours his brandy on a Sunday afternoon and puts on his Miles Davis and Ella Fitzgerald CDs, jy kan ma’ vergiet.
Well, the interesting thing was that I eventually started to like a lot of Dennis’s music the more he would tell me stories about those singers and the songs.
Because he is mos like a Reader’s Digest on two legs. His friends call him Dennis-Dot-Com.
And then what’s even more interesting is that when Dennis gets that wildebeest look in his eye, he would ask me to put on some of my Engelbert or Bobby Hendricks music while he moves that coffee table out of the way.
My point is that once two people come together, you have to understand that there are going to be differences, and you are simply going to have to work around them.
Sometimes it’s even going to mean that you have to say things, like “Bokkie, when we go to Hermanus next week, I am going to play my music for 30 minutes, and you can play your music from when we get to that petrol station on the N2”.
Sometimes these things have to be managed beforehand.
Now about your boyfriend’s language when he listens to that Nicki Minaj lady.
I’ll tell you a funny story. My friend Avril’s son Kenneth is a big fan of rap music and started dropping these rapper f-bombs and all sorts of words all over the house.
Avril could not handle it any longer. She asked him to stop speaking like that at home and he refused to listen.
So Avril and her husband for almost one solid week decided to speak to each other like that, loudly, whenever he was around. And particularly when his friends were around.
Kenneth was traumatised, and after four days he begged them to please stop. And never a foul word was heard in that house again.
In the privacy of your car, please try talking back to your boyfriend like that - but find words that he hasn’t even dreamt about yet - and I’m sure it will stop him in his tracks.
Unless he’s really strange and enjoys it! In which case I’m sure I’ll be hearing from you again!
Much love, Aunty Merle.