Q
Dear Auntie Pearl, I hear so many stories about kids being bullied, trying to kill themselves, and alles and I am so scared for my little ones when they grow up one day.
I am a mommy of two and they are still young, but I worry about my susterskind and my neighbours’ kids and all the children.
We moms often talk about these things and feel so helpless.
Being a teenager these days is tough, jong.
What are the danger signs to look out for?
We would like to know what to do and how we can help the kids in our community.
We can even talk to the other moms to share your wisdom.
From: A worried friend and auntie of teenagers.
A
Too true girlfriend, being a teenager in this day and age is a whole different pot of potatoes than it was when we were young.
Our laaities have to face so many problems and challenges every single day – dinge was mos a bit simpler when we were young.
When we were kinnes, we didn’t have all this technology with the cellphones and the internet, and yes, they do make our lives easier, our world smaller and communication and knowledge sharing easier, but they also have some bad side effects, one of them being teenage depression, anxiety and suicide.
And this isn’t just here in Mzansi meisie, it’s all over the world.
Auntie read a while ago the World Health Organization says almost 800 000 people die by suicide every year and it’s the second leading cause of death for kids and jong mense between 15 and 29 years old.
Here in South Africa, 9% of teenage deaths are because of suicide, so you and the other mammies in your community have reason to worry.
Bullying at our schools and on social media are far more frequent, serious and hard hitting, and our kids are suffering.
It is really sweet of you to look out for all the teens in your community, and for helping other mothers.
Soos hulle sê, it takes a village to raise a child.
And the fact that you are all looking out for each other is special and much needed.
So what can you look out for?
Kids who are battling with depression usually lose interest in the things they loved, they cry a lot, and get angry and irritated quickly.
They might have low energy, anxiety and tension.
Their eating patterns change, so they might suddenly eat a lot or very little.
There might be a drop in their school marks or changes in their sleeping patterns, again either sleeping a lot more or a lot less.
Now it’s true that these are all signs of relatively normal teenage behaviour as well, but that is why we need to keep a close eye on our kids, so that we can pick up when things change.
Keep communication flowing and be open and honest, that way you will know if something strange is up.
As a caregiver, auntie or friend you might actually be the first to notice any changes, or the first person the teen speaks to, instead of their parents.
So what can you do about bullying?
These days kids bully each other violently and constantly on the school grounds, and also online on sites like Facebook, WhatsApp, Instagram and so on.
If you think something might be wrong with your child, don’t wait, immediately ask them about it.
Learn to listen to what they are really saying and take what they say seriously.
Never blame them – it’s not their fault.
Never leave the child to sort it out on their own, many kids simply do not have the tools to deal with bullies.
Talk to the principal, teachers and caregivers who spend time with the kids on a daily basis.
Youngsters do sometimes turn to suicide in cases of extreme bullying.
But there are also other factors that can lead to suicide, like having to deal with family problems, financial difficulties, violence, or emotional or sexual abuse.
If you hear your kids or any of the other children in your circle talk about killing themselves, or criticising themselves the whole time like saying, ‘I can’t do anything right’, or give their things away or say goodbye to the people they are close to, they could be preparing to end it all.
Even kids acting out is usually a desperate cry for help.
It would also be a good idea for you and your concerned friends to keep the following numbers handy, for information and assistance:
South African Depression and Anxiety Group:
Suicide Crisis Line:
0800 567 567
Mental health line:
011 234 4837
SMS:
31393.
Lifeline Western Cape:
Telephone counselling:
021 461 1111
WhatsApp:
063 709 2620
Email: i [email protected]
There is also face-to-face counselling available during office hours, just make an appointment, it’s for free:
Cape Town:
021 461 113
Khayelitsha:
021 361 9197