Q Dear Auntie Pearl, I have been with my partner and the father of my children for 16 years. We have two children with a third one on the way.
Something is wrong though, for the past year he sleeps most of the day, smokes weed and gets angry about the smallest things.
He even sometimes says he is depressed, but if I mention he should go and see a doctor or something, then he just starts shouting or goes out. I know he just goes to his friends and drinks and smokes.
This all started after he got retrenched at work.
He says he is looking for other work, but I know he’s lying. One day he says he’s going for interviews, the next he says a buddy has organised him a job, but then he just stays home and sleeps.
I think he’s just too depressed.
I have been thinking about leaving him, but feel so guilty about it. But he’s really pushing me and being so rude and we really can’t go on like this with only me working. And it doesn’t seem to bother him.
I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if he did something stupid or harmed our kids.
Can you help me? I can’t help but feel it’s all my fault.
A Dearest Cindels, unless you are the one who fired your partner from his job, then no, this is not your fault.
Yes, your man has fallen on hard times, but he is clearly not dealing with it and taking it out on his family, which is wrong.
He is the one who is lying around with his gat at home, smoking dagga and basically not caring where the money for food, water and electricity is coming from. A nee a!
It sounds like you are already supporting him by working to keep your family afloat, and all this while pregnant.
No, my dear, it’s time for some tough love; this man needs to get help before he tears your family apart.
Tell him that he has only one choice – he must go and see a professional counsellor.
If he is indeed clinically depressed, he will need professional treatment and even medication.
But even before that, there are a few things he’s going to have to do immediately if he doesn’t want to lose you and his children - he needs to stop smoking weed, start looking for work, and reign in his violent outbursts.
If he doesn’t agree to these things, then you must give him an ultimatum, either he changes or you leave.
You don’t have to put up with his bad behavior.
You, your unborn baby and your children should be your top priority now.