Q
Hi there Auntie Pearl, I have been bymekaar with a guy for four years now, and we recently got engaged. He is a very nice man and we decided to take things slow, so we did not move in together until he put a ring on it.
My problem is that now that I spend more time with him, I have come to realise that he has a drinking problem. He drinks every night, and not like just a glass of two, he gets gesuip almost all the time.
He is not physically abusive, but he gets onbeskof and then says ugly things to me. What should I do? He never was like this before we moved in together.
From Carmen
A
Red flags, girl, this whole situation is sending Auntie groot rooi flags. A man who misbehaves when he gets drunk is not a good sign, especially if he is dissing you.
Is it just when he hits the bottle that he turns into a vark? It’s worrying that you really only found out about his nasty habit now that you have moved in together.
You must surely have spent nights together even before that, did you not pick up any danger signs?
Auntie now sommer thinks this ugly side of your man is the reason it took so long to get engaged and move in together. Could it be that on some level you always knew there was something a bietjie off with this guy, but were too afraid to face reality?
You say he is a nice man, and the fact that he did not rush into anything could show he cares about making this a lasting relationship… or maybe it’s just another red flag to show that he never gets anything done because he is too busy getting dronk all the time.
Kyk, Auntie can be wrong here and maybe he is fantastic, but his onbeskofte behaviour sends up red flags. Listen, Carmen, from the little you have shared, it seems that the problem here is obvious: die dop.
Alcohol abuse is an evil that has caused so much damage in our societies. Auntie can’t tell you how many marriages, relationships, families and friendships have gone down the drain due to dop.
If you really believe this is the man you want to spend the rest of your life with, then you must get him to put down the bottle.
It’s a tough road to walk, but it could be worth it for love. The first thing you should do is get in contact with Alcoholics Anonymous. These people are the experts in dealing with problems like this.
Speak to them to get some advice on his condition, and how to handle it and get him on a treatment and rehabilitation program.
Ja, meisie, he needs rehabilitation, because dop is also addictive! You can contact the AA on 021 418 0908 or you can pop into their office in town. They are in Suite 502, fifth floor of the Boland Bank Building at 18 Lower Burg Street, Cape Town.
Good luck, sweetie.
Auntie hopes you sort out his siekte and that the two of you have a happy life together.