Q Dear Pearl, my partner and I are in our mid-30s and we have been together for just over five years.
The problem is that these days we are fighting a lot about stuff, and sometimes I don’t even know what we are arguing about but it really gets out of hand.
Could this be because I don’t trust him 100%?
He has never cheated or given me a reason to doubt him, but he does stupid things like telling little lies.
For instance, he would not tell me if he went to lunch with a friend and they had a few drinks.
Just last week again he told me he was going to the gym when actually he was at a party with old friends he had not seen in a while.
Obviously, there was a moerse fight about this.
I’m sure the whole street heard us shouting at each other.
Am I overreacting? Can I trust him?
How can we stop this constant fighting?
A Shame, Melanie, to be with a guy for so long and not being able to trust him? Yoh, that doesn’t sound lekker to Auntie.
Could it be that your partner knows you don’t trust him and that he is actually afraid to tell you the truth about some of his comings and goings?
From the sound of it, Auntie thinks he is hiding what he is doing because he is afraid you will get all opgewerk and make a scene.
That said, it’s definitely not kwaai that he is not telling you the truth.
Have you been cheated on in the past?
Auntie has seen this so often where a jilted woman finds it hard to fully commit to new relationships.
What you need to do is tell your berk that he cannot lie to you any more, but you are going to have to commit to not getting upset all the time.
You are both going to have to work hard on this, to break the cycle of anger.
You cannot get kwaad if he goes for a dop with a friend, and he has to tell you and also not get upset when you perhaps ask him out about it.
Bottom line, he needs to start being transparent and you need to stop overreacting.