Q Good day Auntie Pearl. I had a best friend during my high school years in Windhoek, Namibia. We weren’t in the same school but we were neighbours.
When her mom passed away from cancer, her grandfather took her to stay in Upington. I also eventually left Namibia and came to Cape Town to stay with my brother and somehow we lost contact again; and a year ago while I was working in Canal Walk, she made contact and came to see me at the mall and after that we lost contact again.
All this was years ago and I've always wondered how she's doing and I wanna see her again.
I've searched her on social media with no luck finding her, until Monday I searched again on Instagram and found her and have sent her a request, but I couldn't see anything on her Insta page as her profile is locked, but I can tell from the profile pic that it's her.
The problem is she's like a ghost on social media, I've checked her FB page but no posts, no pictures, nothing. She had one friend on FB and I've even messaged her and maybe a relative or two that could contact me and maybe they can give me a contact for her.
Problem again… they’re also like ghosts on social media, none of them replied or even saw the messages I sent them.
From what I can tell my friend might be living in Potchefstroom at the moment, married with kids and yes, maybe that's why she's not on social media. But that can't be right, nowadays everyone uses social media and we are around about the same age 37/38.
Her known name is Shahieda or Texeira, her maiden surname is Diergaardt and if I'm correct her married surname is Van Wyk. So currently it's Texeira Diergaardt Van Wyk. Can you please help somehow in finding her?
Regards, Tracey-Lee
A My dear, Auntie is not really in the game of helping to find long-lost friends, but it sounds like you’ve been on quite the journey trying to reconnect, so I’m going to make an exception.
It’s touching to hear how much effort you’ve put into finding her after all these years, and it’s clear this friendship holds a special place in your heart.
Now, Auntie understands how frustrated you must be because she seems like a ghost on social media – in this day and age, we mos want answers and replies for people immediately.
But not everyone is glued to their Facebook or Instagram, even nowadays when it seems like everyone should be. Some folks prefer to keep a low profile online, especially after big life changes like marriage or having kids.
Honestly, there’s not much Auntie can really do in helping you find your old BFF, except share your email with all the readers of the Daily Voice. Mense, kan iemand dalk help? Send Auntie an email if you know anything.
Meanwhile, Tracey-Lee, here’s some wysheid from Auntie.
Patience is Key: Since you’ve sent her a request on Instagram and messages to possible contacts, give it some time. People don’t always check their social media regularly, especially if they aren’t active users.
Old-School Approach: Think about mutual friends or acquaintances who might not be on social media. Sometimes reaching out to someone who might know her current status can prove more fruitful than online messages.
Keep Your Details Updated: Make sure your own social media profiles are up to date with your contact information and check them regularly in case she tries to reach out to you.
And meisie, while you’re hopeful to reconnect, prepare yourself for all possibilities, including the chance that she might prefer to maintain her privacy. If that’s the case, respect her choice, knowing you’ve tried your best to reach out.
Remember, reconnecting with an old friend can be a wonderful experience, but it requires patience and sometimes a bit of detective work.
Keep your spirits up, and don’t lose hope. You’re doing all you can, and that’s what truly matters.
Q Hey Auntie, I'm in a real mess and could really use some guidance. Things have been rough lately.
After a few months of caring for my boyfriend who was off work with an injury, things just piled up.
I was looking after him all day, every day, plus his eight-year-old daughter who also lives with us.
Then I found out I was pregnant. My boyfriend wasn't exactly thrilled about the news.
One day, the stress all just got too much. We were arguing, and I completely lost it. I ended up rekking my bek in a real mean way, in front of his little girl, telling my berk to “vat jou f****n laaitie en voetsek uit my f****n huis”.
I know it was wrong, and I've apologised so many times, but he won't forgive me.
He dumped me, even though I'm pregnant with his baby.
Auntie, I don’t know what to do. How can I make things right, or is it even possible?
A Sjoe hartjie, Auntie can hear you’ve been through a hectic time. It sounds like you’ve been carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders, and we can all understand that you got to a breaking point.
While blowing your lid and rekking your bek wasn’t the best way to handle it, we’re all human, and we all make mistakes.
So Auntie wants to start by telling you to give yourself a break. You were under a lot of pressure, and while your behaviour was swak, it is understandable that you snapped.
About making amends with your boyfriend… as Auntie always says: communication is key. But it needs to be calm and constructive. Jy het jammer gesê, and that’s a good first step.
But try and see it from his perspective. Can you imagine how bad he must be feeling, not being able to contribute to the household due to an injury. And now you are giving him grief and vloeking at his little daughter? Eish, that must be hard to handle!
Right now, it’s also important to give him space to process his feelings. He might be hurt and needs time to come to terms with everything that's happened.
Respect his need for space, but also keep the door open for future conversations.
Maybe instead of texting and calling him again and again, write him a letter or an email where you can express everything you’re feeling without the heat of an argument.
Explain your stress, your grief, and your regret for your outburst. Let him know how much you value him and the family you’ve built together.
Remember, reconciliation may not happen overnight. It might take time for both of you to heal and find a way forward, whether together or apart.
The important thing is to focus on what’s best for your unborn child, and at least get to a point where you and the baby daddy can handle this together, even if you are not a couple.
On another note, make sure you get some support for yourself. This could be from friends or family, or a support group or the church.
Taking care of your mental and emotional health will be important in the big days to come.
Sending you lots of love and strength during this tough time, my dear. You're stronger than you know, and with some patience and a lot of heart, you'll find your way through this.
Daily Voice