Q
Dear Auntie Pearl, I have a boyfriend and we have been in a relationship for almost three years.
He is so kwaai, he spoils me with flowers and gifts, and we have a moerse lot of fun when we are together.
The problem is that he works on the sea, so I don’t get to see him all the time.
Long-distance love is tough, but we have been making it work.
But the last time he was here we got into a morsige fight.
When he got here he went straight to his ex to spend time with his children, and I only saw him on day five of his 10-day leave.
He is only on land every two or three months, and he tells me he loves me, but he always spends time alone with his laaities first.
And sometimes when he comes to see me he brings the children along, and there have been times when I have only had him to myself for a day or two.
This has been going on for always, and like I said the last time it happened we got into a fight because I told him I am gatvol of being second to his kids.
What must I do?
From Second-Fiddle Sandy.
A Shame, Sandy, seems life isn’t a beach for you, nuh.
But it also seems that you are a bit of a… daai word that sounds just like beach.
Waar kom jy vandaan to be upset about a man wanting to spend time with his children?
Hayibo! To Auntie it sounds like this berk of yours is just being a good father.
These poor laaities used to have a father whom they got to see every day, and now he is gone for long periods.
You know how hard it is for you, now just imagine what it must be like for them?
You need to wrap your kop around this and look with open eyes at your relationship.
Unless this man is planning on getting a job on dry land, things are probably not going to change.
And it shouldn’t change, because your berk sounds like a good guy.
Children deserve to see their father.
Just think how klompie daddies there are out there, who leave their families, don’t pay papgeld, are dronklappe en tikkoppe, or even abusers.
You need to respect the fact that this man is a father first, and then a boyfriend.
Do you see a future with this man? Because in reality, what you are doing at the moment sounds more like a repeating holiday romance.
Lekker for some, but not for everyone.
Of course you deserve to be the main attraction instead of playing second fiddle, but while your berk is working off-shore, things are not going to change and you either need to accept that or look for love elsewhere.
Perhaps it’s time to realise that this relationship is not meant to be.
You need to get real and make the decision.