Q
Dear Auntie Pearl, I don’t even know where to start but I need help and from someone that’s going to be very honest with me.
I’m currently in a relationship and I’ve been picking up on worrying signs about his behaviour.
We love being together but I’m starting to get worried about what he does and I’m not feeling 100% safe because I’m seeing red flags.
He wants my roster of my shifts I work every month, he calls me about 5-6 times a day to check up on me and if I don’t answer, he calls my work phone and questions me.
He even went onto my Facebook account without my permission and posted pictures and everything.
He sits next to me to see if I’m not chatting to any men, or ask if men message me.
Even if I visit my family, he wants to know if there are any guys, he even gets angry when I hug my cousins’ husbands.
What makes it worse is when he checks the WiFi to see whether I’m not sending pictures or videos to anyone.
I just feel so unhappy because we live together, he picks me up at work and drops me off and he even gets mad if I put my kids up as my WhatsApp profile picture and not him.
I honestly need help and someone to tell me whether this is normal or not.
Kind Regards,
Jade.
A
Meisie, Auntie have two words for you: get out!
You asked Auntie to be very honest with you, so here goes: Your berk is possessive, jealous, and he sounds like a ticking time bomb.
You are right to say you don’t feel 100% safe and that you are seeing red flags.
Your life, and those of your children, could very well be in danger as we speak.
Don’t hang around to wait and see what’s going to happen, you might just become another statistic, sister!
You aren’t dof, you know what’s going on, but like many women in such relationships, you just need that final push.
You need to fully open your eyes and embrace the reality and the truth, this man is not displaying normal behaviour and things are not going to get better.
You are not in a healthy relationship, and you should not have to live like this.
This is what you are telling Auntie:
He wants to know exactly where you are, and with who you will be talking to or seeing.
He doesn’t trust you because he is checking up on you the whole time.
He’s extremely jealous – even of your own bleddie kids and your family.
He’s imagining things and he is feeding his warped gedagtes by going onto your Facebook account, and checking your phone.
He’s even telling you what to wear!
Does any of this sound right to you? What would you to a woman finding herself in such a situation?
This is VERY worrying behaviour, and Auntie’s sure you do not want to become another statistic.
You need to break up with this ou. As in NOW.
But it might not be as simple as that and Auntie realises that.
You need to accept that you are being mentally and emotionally abused, and the next step could be physical abuse.
He could also reject you giving him the trekpas and things can turn ugly.
He could start threatening you, or even worse.
Have you spoken to your family, your cousins, about this? Is there anyone who can help?
Can you get an interdict against him before you break up with him?
Think about how can you protect yourself, and your kids – physically and emotionally.
Auntie would suggest confiding in a family member about your plans to break up with this man and also when you plan to do it.
If it is your house, have some male friends and relatives around when he moves out.
Do the same if you are the one who has to leave.
And then to contact some of the people below for help, guidance and counselling from the mense who know exactly how to help you and who specialise in cases such as yours.
Sister Incorporated: 021 797 4190 or 062 532 4427
FAMSA: 021 447 7951 / 082 231 0373
LifeLine: 0800 150 150
Stay safe and keep your head up.
2020 will be your year – you will break free from this toxic relationship, and live the life you want, not the one HE wants.