Q
Dear Auntie Pearl, I don’t know how to handle the situation I am in. I have been dating a guy and we are in love.
The problem is that even though he has said that he hates phoneys, he confessed to me last week that he has a boyfriend.
What the hell must I do?
He says he is not just gay, and that he loves me, but that he has been bymekaar with this other guy for long, and that I am his first girlfriend.
We are both in our thirties.
From Confused.
A
Sweetie pie, Auntie can only imagine how very confused you must be feeling!
This guy is not just a hypocrite for lying to you, but also now jumping around the dating line.
This whole business sounds a bit dodgy to Auntie.
The fact that you are his first girlfriend makes girlfriend makes Auntie think he has actually been gay his whole life.
Is he maybe just experimenting this late in life?
It could be that, or it could be that he is bisexual and is really in love with you.
Shame, can you imagine how confused he must be?
Auntie can’t tell you what to do, but what I advise is that you all stay calm and support each other in this situation.
It sounds like everyone involved is a bietjie deurmekaar.
Tell this guy that everyone needs to take a little time away from each other, and look deep into your hearts to see what you really want.
He has to figure out whether he wants to be with his boyfriend, or whether he is not really gay and maybe bi and wants to be with you.
And you have to decide whether you will ever be able to trust this guy.
It’s tough, but that’s grown-up life.