Q
Dear Aunty Merle, my boyfriend loves making videos of us having sex, and I let him because he enjoys it, although I don’t really do because I worry what if someone we know sees it or, worse, posts it on social media and it goes viral?
They are all on his phone and I can’t delete them because I don’t have his password.
I read about Malusi Gigaba and his sex tape and how someone tried to blackmail him for R5 million!
I don’t want to blow my job away, either.
How can we safeguard these videos and photos to make sure no one sees them?
I’ve also read about men who post these videos out of anger after a break-up and I don’t want that to happen to me.
Please, Aunty, help!
From Sleepless in Steenberg
A
Dear Sleepless in Steenberg if God wanted to you to be a movie star, you would have been born in Hollywood. These things are not destined for everyone.
Ken jou plek!
I have no idea what is going on in the world these days, but everybody seems to have gone totally mad.
I still come from a traditional time when, if you were retiring to the bedroom on pineapple night, you close the door, turn off the lights, put on some Engelbert Humperdinck songs, and keep certain things just between you and your husband.
Now listen, I know that my hubby Dennis can sometimes get very foolish, but goodness me, if he must ever ask me if he can put the camera on in the bedroom, I will have the pastor and all the deacons from the church come over and lay hands on Dennis because surely that camera story will be a sign that Dennis is demon possessed!
And they will then need to cast out that Malusi spirit!
(Don’t get me started on Malusi Gigaba please – my suiker slat soma kop toe. I don’t want to talk about that dishonourable member.
Just last week on the radio I heard them say that his matter was still under appeal. I immediately turned off the radio).
So when it comes to your boyfriend making these ridiculous requests, you have to put your foot down and draw the line immediately.
No proper gentleman will ever in a million years ask you to give in to such nonsense.
I told Dennis about your letter and his immediate response was MA’ NOU WIE HOU DIE PHONE EN MET WATTE HAND?!
So if he can’t live without keeping that phone off in the bedroom, you have to leave him for somebody decent.
But now you seem to have other serious problems in that it sounds as though you’ve already put in quite a few Oscar-winning performances. This is not good. In fact, it’s very bad.
These things have a way of coming back to bite you in the bum when you least expect it.
Can you, for example, imagine going for a job interview and during the interview the interviewer says, “Don’t I know you from somewhere?”
Things can get very awkward. The best thing you can hope for is that it would get you the job! A top position!
But this is your dilemma now: you have already been filmed. The way I see it, you can do one of two things.
One, have a heart-to-heart with your dodgy Prince Charming and let him know that, for the road ahead, he can no longer be Steven Spielberg, and that you would like to see him delete everything before your very eyes.
Two (if you definitely know that one is not going to work), pretend that you are very excited about the movies and that he simply has to send them to your phone, to help get you through the lonely nights.
And then once you have the movies on your phone, look him in the eye and tell him that if he does not let you personally delete all that rubbish off his phone, you will make sure that his mother gets to see one or two of these masterpieces.
Steenberg boys are very attached to their mothers.
He will delete. Trust me.
And then don’t you delete absolutely everything from your phone – every girl needs to have a lovely little insurance policy.
All my love and prayers.
Aunty Merle