Q
Dear Auntie Pearl, I’m a divorced man living in Jozi, my ex and my kids (18 and 15) are living in Cape Town.
My problem is that she has always refused me access to my kids, yet she expects me to pay her maintenance, which I have always done.
The other thing is that I have another child after my divorce (nine years old).
I have always paid maintenance.
I’m currently paying more than half of my salary for maintenance, excluding school fees which I also have to pay.
My ex stopped working a couple of years ago because of all the money she receives from me.
Then she still puts the kids in fancy schools which I told her I can’t afford.
Now, these schools are threatening me with legal action.
What should I do, as I also have another child to support and need to have enough to live from?
I’m fearing I’ll have to pay these schools and in the process end up on the street as I won’t be able to afford my rent.
If I end up on the street I will be unable to properly provide for my other child. Please help.
Fighting to Survive.
A
First off, let’s give a big round of applause to this amazing dad who works so hard to provide for his children.
Daddies like you are hard to find, my klong.
Auntie knows it’s tough to go through a divorce and even tougher not being able to see your children.
Your wife sounds like a real piece of work… waar kom sy vandaan that she thinks she can just sit on her gat and have you pay for everything?
It doesn’t matter that you are divorced, it’s both parents’ responsibility to take care of their children.
Yoh, she did not even lose her job, she sommer quit because you pay papgeld! What a nerve.
At least she seems a bietjie wys to keep the kids in school, even though that’s what is causing you trouble now.
Overall, this is a tough situation.
On the one hand it’s only fair that you have to haal uit en wys and pay papgeld, but this flerrie has no right to take advantage of you like this.
Auntie would have liked to know whether the maintenance you pay was determined by a court, or whether it’s just what you and your ex decided upon?
And the school fees, was that stipulated by the judge as well?
Shame man, you are caught between a rock and a hard place.
Auntie can really only see two solutions: One, you talk things out with your ex by explaining your financial situation (and wys her to get a job and help support the kids), or two, you need to drag her back to court and have the terms of the maintenance amended to suit your pocket.
There’s a third option, but this is going to be tough – you could try to get custody of the children, in which case she will have to pay you papgeld.
It’s tough, you don’t want to take children away from their mother and uproot them, but you are the one providing and might be able to do a much better job than your ex.
This business of her refusing you access to the kids also smells fishy. How can she do that? Was this part of the divorce proceedings?
If not, klap her with the court. A good dad must be allowed to see his laaities.
Unless your ex is a real geitjie, she should realise that if she keeps milking you like this, then sooner or later the cash is going to dry up completely.