Q
Dear Auntie Pearl, I am 26 years old with a six-year-old son. His dad and I (let’s call him Prince) broke up recently because he chose a schoolgirl over me, claiming I made him unhappy and treated him bad.
We have been together for seven years and have been living together for four years. He is still living with me and will be moving out soon.
We broke up many times because he left me for different girls, advertising it all on social media and not giving a damn about me.
It’s been three years that he has not been working – I pay the bills, I pay the school, I practically see to everything. He only contributes when he feels it is best for him to do so.
He lies about every cent he gets... he practically lies about everything and often moans about doing anything at home or for our child, and he can spend whole day and weekends with the girlfriend, but he cannot look after the child.
He chooses her over us and I’m the one who looks after him and is the breadwinner in the house.
When I check on his phone, it’s all about her and him having a lovely time and about how he doesn’t care how I feel.
He told me they’re planning on a child now, but she herself is in high school and he cannot even support his own kids.
I was diagnosed with cancer and went through radiation and chemotherapy and he was out cheating. I lost our second child and I cannot conceive again, but he doesn’t care.
We still live together and still have sex and I don’t know how to stop this. It is hurting me because when we are done he goes straight to his phone and talks to her.
When I call him out on his faults he makes me the bad one and says I treat him bad and that I always moan and skel.
So now he is moving and wants me to assist him to pay his rent and give him food, but he broke up with me.
I want to forget him. How do I do it because it’s tearing me apart that he is with her.
He says I cannot go on with my life and that he will be the only one. I love him a lot, but I need to let go.
From Princess
A
Yoh, where to begin with this deurmekaar situation?
My dear Princess, it sounds like your fairy tale has turned into a nightmare.
Auntie is just going to come out right from the beginning and tell you that this “Prince” of yours is nothing but a padda.
In fact, he is a piece of rubbish who is just using you.
I was reading your email and was just thinking ag shame, you are sukkeling with a deadbeat dad, and then suddenly you hit Auntie with the news that despite his cheating and emotional abuse, you are still jumping in bed with this guy. Hayibo!
You almost sounded like a girl with her head on straight – you have a job, you take care of your child, you even stayed strong through the cancer… but then you keep doing this dom ding! Ai toggie, Princess.
We all understand that you obviously have a special bond with this guy, he is after all the father of your child. That’s never going to change.
You are also still young, so even though you have most of your life sorted out, you are still not as wys as some of us older aunties who have seen so much more of the world.
So let me share some pearls of wisdom: You need to get this vark out of your life.
He is not contributing to your emotional or physical well-being; and he is not a good example to his child. Hy is niks werd nie!
Oh, hell, no man. Auntie just read your email again and this whole gedoente with the cheating and you still jumping in bed with him, and him bragging about sleeping around… Auntie can’t take it.
Kyk hier Princess, you need to harden your heart, steel your resolve, and actually start acting like a queen! You are the ruler of your kingdom, and that bleddie jester of a baby daddy does not belong in your castle.
Stop sleeping with him immediately. Throw him out, and tune him straight that he can forget about getting another cent from you.
He has made his bed, now he can go lie in it with that other geitjie.
Also sommer tell him that he must stop talking sleg about you, and he has to start getting his life together and pay papgeld.
It’s going to be hard to move on from the man who fathered your child, but you will only be able to forget him if he is out of your bed and out of your life.