Q
Auntie, I know there are girls with a similar problem, and I know many of your readers think that it’s nonsense, but I can’t stop being attracted to my married guy friend.
I don’t know how it happened. We have known each other for 12 years and I have always liked him as a friend, but I was never single when he was.
Now I have been dumped and over the past couple of weeks I just want to be with my friend.
I’m jealous of his wife and I’ve stopped hanging out with her because she irritates me.
From Stephany
A Good grief, Auntie doesn’t want to say “here we go again” and keep asking “what is it with you girls chising after guys you can’t have”... at least you admit that you are acting milly.
Just by admitting that you smaak your married friend, and now seek advice, is already telling Auntie that you are not a geitjie looking for a jol.
You know it’s not right, and you’re feeling guilty about your feelings for him. Good!
Now, you’ve obviously known each other for long and have a good friendship, so it would be easy to slip into dangerous territory simply because you’re so familiar with each other.
What’s the one thing that has changed? You are no longer single!
In fact, you have been dumped and this is obviously throwing your emotions all over the place.
You need some kind of affirmation that you are still attractive and now your friend must make you feel better.
Have you had this attraction in the past?
Have you considered before what it might be like to date him?
Having thoughts like these about friends are normal, but it doesn’t mean you can act on them.
The problem is, you may have created a “perfect picture” of him in your mind, but the reality could be quite different.
After all, there’s a big difference between being a friend, a boyfriend and a married man.
So Stephany, what you need to do is listen to your head, not your heart.
You know he’s married, and you know he is off limits.
And, meisie, please, leave his wife out of this. She is the innocent party and doesn’t deserve this treachery from you.
You need to get over your break-up first, so spend time concentrating on your own love life
.
Think of the qualities that attracted you to your married friend - is he kind, caring, a good listener, etc.
Now you go and look for these qualities in another guy.