Q Auntie Pearl. I can’t take it anymore, my husband of 40 years is such an angry and negative person.
We got married when I was 21 years old, after we dated for a couple of years.
I don’t know if I really want to leave him, because I am afraid to be alone.
But Auntie, I am not happy in my marriage at all.
This husband of mine is so negative in every aspect of his life and he moans about everything.
I love him, maar genoeg is mos genoeg.
Part of me wants to pack my bags and leave, because he makes me unhappy and makes everyone uncomfortable.
By everyone I mean even our two daughters and our granddaughter.
Auntie, I am afraid things are going to really go down the toilet when my husband retires at the end of the year.
What must I do?
A Shame, my dear, Auntie can hear you are moerse confused.
Who wouldn’t be if after four decades of married life you start to realise you just don’t smaak to be with your hubby anymore?
On the one hand you love this man, on the other you are miserable but scared to leave.
The most important thing you need to do is to get real about what it is you actually want.
Do you want to get divorced? Do you want a separation? Would you stay if your hubby changes his attitude?
Obviously you can’t change your man, as Auntie is sure you know after 40 years together.
But he sure as hell can change himself! Especially now that he is retiring.
But it can only work If HE wants to do that.
Often when people experience a big life change, like retiring, their temperament changes as well.
Of course, don’t expect any change to come quickly, and maybe it might not happen at all.
The thing is that you will never know if you decide to gooi ’n lange.
What Auntie thinks you should do is to stick it out for a while and see how things go when he no longer works.
Who knows, it could just be his job that is turning him into a grumpy old man, so once he leaves it, the real him might come out.
This does not mean that you are just going to sit around waiting for better days, you are going to have to take some action, vrou.
The best thing to do would be to go for couples counselling.
A few sessions with a professional could get your relationship back on track.
What can also help is to spend some time apart.
This is not to test what a separation would be like, it’s just to give you some time to figure out what you actually want and clear your head.
If in a few months you find that retirement has changed your hubby for the better, then good for both of you.
But if you find yourself stuck in the same position as you are now, it may be time to move on.
Dit gaan moerse scary wees to head out on your own, but you are a strong woman with a lifetime of experience, so Auntie is sure you will be okay.
You also have family to help and support you along the way.
Jesse, you’ve had your childhood, then you had years raising a family, and now it’s time for your third act.
You might not be a spring chicken anymore, but at 60 you still have some good years left, so make them count!