Q
Dear Auntie Pearl, this one guy and I were really good friends and in the time we spent together we developed feelings for each other and he even asked for my hand in marriage, and we got both our parents’ blessings. But I don’t know if I’m ready for all the drama his ex-girlfriend’s mother is causing, because she apparently made him choose between his previous girlfriend and his child.
He asked me to look past all her crap and build a future with him, but I am afraid of what his child’s grandmother would do if she finds out we are planning on getting married.
I don’t want him to lose the bond he has with his child because the child’s mother already doesn’t have time for the child.
A
Shame sweetness, this is some kind of arrige predicament.
Auntie skeem the best thing for you to do is to keep your side clean.
It’s not gonna help being scared of this antie - if you want to marry this man and support his relationship with his child from a previous relationship, then you have to stand your ground. Encourage him to spend time with his child on his own, and also with you and the child together.
Make his ex’s mom understand you are not going to steal him away from his fatherly duties and that you support him in being a dad to his laaitie, and will be there for the child as well. This is always a tricky business but be as open and honest with everyone as you possibly can.
And think about it from the ouma’s perspective - you said the child’s mother already doesn’t have time for the child, and it sounds like the granny cares for the child most of the time, so she’s scared any new lady in this man’s life will steal him away from his fatherly duties and make the child 100% her responsibility.
Add onto that the fact that she is probably also just looking out for her grandchild’s wellbeing. Have a talk with the antie, meisiekind, play open cards with her and tell her where you are coming from.
All the best.